A personal share of my complex relationship with the Pacific Ocean
By Dhanel Moon
I’ve always been a writer. Even as a little girl, I kept tiny notes tucked between calendar days — short phrases, small memories, little pieces of myself captured so I wouldn’t forget the magic of living.
At nineteen, I threw them all away. I just wanted to release. I kept in my mind only what my spirit wanted to remember along with some photos and let the rest dissolve. I was shedding the weight of my misunderstood childhood, school, and social life. I was ready to step into a new world shaped by the metaphysics, spiritual mystery, and the wild uncertainty I was suddenly brave enough to embrace.
I tried to write as my life unfolded, but instead of stories, poems poured out of me. Those poems became songs — songs I still sing, songs that carry over thirty years of my life. And now, I think it’s time to let them be poems again. I will share them soon.
But for now, I’m inspired to simply write. To share. To be authentic. To let my voice exist without fear. My words may feel heavy, but maybe you’re strong enough to lift them now and then. Consider it a spiritual workout.
Today, the ocean called me. I was invited to the beach, and without hesitation, I said yes. The Pacific Ocean has always dared my soul to feel everything I’ve repressed inside. Every inlet, every shoreline — it pulls emotion from me like a personal tide. And every time I go in the water, without fail, I cry.
The Pacific Ocean makes me cry.
The waves pull me closer before I ever step inside. The wind calls my name. I want to touch the water, taste it, and merge with it. I’m drawn into the water like a child to sweetness.
The icy cold water hits my feet — a shiver climbs my spine. My heart beats faster. My throat swells. And before I can explain why, I cry.
I cry like a child calling for her Mama. “Mama I’m here, I whimper.”
I cry as though loneliness found me — but really, it’s me finally recognizing the loneliness within myself.
I cry with hope that this energy will pass. I cry with joy that I am free enough to feel and not worry about being called weird.
I cry because the ocean has given me permission to release and let go of every heavy emotion.
Then my body begins to wade — in and out, out and in — the water is so cold I can’t stay long.
And just like being presented with truth, you need time to let the sharp cold sting settle in.
I stand at the shore, watching the waves, feeling the sun. I watch others move in and out of the water, observing their moves, smiling and laughing…maybe.
And then I return again — this time without tears — and I finally submerge myself into the icy cold blast.
My spine flexes. My face, eyes, and tongue crave the taste of the Pacific Ocean’s Joy. Yes, I feel it!
I swim.
I rise out.
I bathe standing in sunlight to warm my chilled body.
I watch the sun shimmer across the waves and feel my blood awaken.
In that moment, and for one moment I feel nurtured and loved.
And before I leave, I make a wish.
Every time I am in the ocean it triggers a soul memory. Today, I remembered family from another world that I would love to speak to, call on the phone, or spend time with and give them a hug. Knowing this may be unreachable, I gently whispered to the water and asked to deliver my message of love and gratitude through the waves and wind.
With moonlit memories,
Dhanel Moon (pronounced Jahn-El) is a certified master metaphysical source energy healer, certified traditional herbalist, licensed holistic skincare therapist (Moon Skin Spa), singer/songwriter, actress, and author (pen name Jah Crystal).
