🎧 « Teardrop » — Massive Attack
I didn’t find a man.
I touched on a possibility.
And sometimes, that’s almost more unsettling.
Because today, I don’t give anything away for free.
Not my humor, not my tenderness, not what my body still wants to convey — sometimes.
Not right away. Not to just anyone. And above all: not if I have any doubts.
And yet, there was a small reversal.
A guy who wasn’t necessarily ready for me. Not necessarily clear.
But who, in his own way, awakened something in me. And me in him.
It’s not a romantic thrill like in the movies.
It’s a disturbance. Someone who doesn’t make me run away, or scare me, or annoy me.
Someone who surprises me.
Someone I wanted to open up to. To do things differently.
And in the background, he has evolved as I have journeyed.
Unique. Rare.
He made me laugh. A defenseless kid.
And he made me blush. Me, the warrior, he made me soft.
Not because he expected it.
But because he awakened that in me.Parce qu’alors je n’avais pas encore conscience de le vouloir. Ni encore moins de pouvoir l’être à nouveau.
He surprised me twice. In two weeks.
In the realm of sex. The introverted, shy, slightly inhibited guy — too well-mannered to disrespect women — yes, yes, there are still a few of them around.
Almost pious. Unable to call a spade a spade, to talk about sex in an uninhibited 2025 way.
He almost apologized for suggesting a hookup.
And then. He sent me an explicit photo of himself in his underwear.
Without warning. Without embarrassment. Without misplaced ego.
Just: “Look, I’m thinking of you.” “
And I looked at him, this guy.
Not just because he aroused desire.
But with the gaze of someone who was waiting for Prince Charming.
With someone who said to herself:
“What if, in the absence of a guy who’s ready, I come across a man who’s possible?”
With the person who has heard so often,
“You have to accept me as I am,”
that they forget that some people may still be trying to understand.
Not to understand me.
To understand themselves.
He told me he didn’t know if he had evolved enough to start over.
Not an excuse.
An observation.
Raw. Honest. Rare.
The others didn’t even say no.
They didn’t even try.
No, it’s too complicated.
No, I can’t change.
No, you have to take me as I am.
And what about me in all this?
He said to me:
“Maybe.”
And in that “maybe,” I heard:
Finally, a man who has courage and hasn’t given up on himself.
It’s not that I want to change him.
I don’t have that fantasy.
I’ve given enough.
But he made me want to believe that a man could change by my side — not for me, but with me.
If all men were re-educable, there would surely be less loneliness on Earth.
But don’t confuse training with potential.
You don’t create potential. You see it. You seize it when it comes along.
And if you have the patience not to impose anything — or if you still have a little hope left —
you blow on it, you test it.
You see what happens.
I know how to cook.
I know how to massage.
I know how to listen.
And I know how to turn someone on without consuming them.
So maybe I haven’t found the right guy.
But I’ve awakened a guy who, in another world, in another life, could become him.
Who is on his way.
Who has awakened my laughter and my gentleness.
And that is already a victory over everything that has hardened me.
Karma your mother
