Once you’ve figured out how to give decent oral sex, it’s easy to go on autopilot. You know the basics, your partner’s not complaining, you might even have a little trick you’ve worked on through the years ― why mess with success?
But bedroom skills, like anything else, can always use a little leveling up. And when it comes to cunnilingus, there’s one small adjustment that sex experts swear can upgrade the experience for both of you: the Kivin method, aka the sideways method.
Not to be confused with some random guy named Kevin’s go-to move, the Kivin method is an oral sex technique that relies on a perpendicular position: Instead of facing the receiver head-on, the giver lies across their body, aligning their lips side-to-side. Usually, the receiver has one or both legs raised atop the giver’s shoulder, to allow more access.
The technique focuses on stimulating the clitoris, vulva and perineum from the side with the tongue, creating broader stimulation that some people find more intense and pleasurable. (The perineum is that diamond-shaped expanse of skin, muscle, and tissue located between the anus and the genitals.)
Usually, the receiver has one or both legs raised to allow the giver more access. For the visual learners, here’s what it looks like:
As for the name, the origins of the technique ― who’s Kivin? ― are a little hard to pin down, but the method is bandied about often by sex educators online, and it got a mention in 2001 in “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Tantric Sex.”
Sex therapists and sexologists we spoke to said taking a sideways approach to oral sex naturally changes the stimulation. It also might be more comfortable for the giver, especially for their neck, said Sadie Allison, a sexologist and author of “Ride ’Em Cowgirl! Sex Position Secrets for Better Bucking.” (Bucking is a subject for another day.)
Because you’re not craning your neck at an awkward angle the whole time, you can usually keep going longer, which means more pleasure for the receiver. The position also opens the door to mixing in other kinds of sex play, making the whole experience feel a little less routine and more exciting.
“Your hands are free in a different way, so you can easily touch breasts, stomach, thighs, and hips from a new angle, creating a fuller experience,” Allison told HuffPost. “Internal stimulation can be easier to incorporate. With this new position, it can be easier to provide vaginal, G-spot, or even anal play at the same time.”
And since the giver’s body is now more within reach of the receiver, they’re also free to caress, touch or otherwise be more engaged in the moment.
“This makes for a more intimate and connected experience,” Allison said. “Try rubbing their shoulders, playing with their hair, or tease their nipples.”
Obviously, every clitoris-haver is different, and not everyone is going to love what Kivin brings to the table. But if you want to try it on your partner now that you’ve got the basics down, here are a few additional tips on how to assume the position.
It’s never a bad idea to stretch if you know you’re likely giving oral later.
If you know you’re getting busy later and want to try a new position, it’s a good idea to stretch and limber up first, said Greg Kilpatrick, a psychotherapist and sex therapist in Pasadena, California.
“We stretch at the gym, before and during a run or yoga,” he said. “All of these other activities where we really want our bodies to show up, sex shouldn’t be any different.”
Try it on the couch with the giver on their knees.
Keeley Rankin, a sex and relationship coach in San Francisco, actually thinks the Kivin method would be great if the receiver was lying on a couch and the giver was kneeling on their knees, tipping their head to the side. It might be an easier position to get into than both people being flat on the same surface, she said.
“I think one of the most important things with anything having to do with sex, especially oral sex, is enthusiasm, and so much of that is needing to be comfortable while doing it,” Rankin said.
“You’re not going to have a ton of enthusiasm if you’re worried how your neck is going to feel tomorrow,” she said. So don’t be afraid to tweak your oral sex position and do what works for you, even if you’re in the middle of performing.
Or, try it with the receiver lying on their side.
You can also try a version where the receiver lies on their side, Allison said.
“Bend the top leg and lift it slightly to open up,” she said. “Then you come in from the side in the ‘T’ position. Same concept, just a different feel.”
You also may want to incorporate a pillow (or a sex pillow) under the hips while the receiver is on their back.
“The giver can lie on their stomach, and it really does feel like everything is perfectly presented ― easy access, great angle,” she said.
Let your partner know how it’s feeling.
Oral in general is an interesting topic, Kilpatrick said, because it really illustrates how what we expect to feel great to a partner may not actually feel all that great, or how something we expect to feel “eh” can be total fireworks.
“This is particularly the case in heterosexual sex; there are plenty of erogenous areas that can be totally missed without exploration and conversation,” he said.
For instance, he said, it might not intuitively make sense to a male partner to give his female partner’s labia attention until he learns that his scrotum is made of very similar tissue and he likes his balls played with.
Similarly, openly talk about what you liked or didn’t like about the Kivin method.
“When we slow down and make connections like this, it suddenly can make more sense, and lead to more opportunities for pleasure,” Kilpatrick said.
Make the most of the access you have.
Giving oral sex sideways is a great opportunity to try what Allison likes to call “The Velvet Glide.” We’ll let her explain.
“Create a soft seal with your lips over the entire vulva and keep a gentle, steady suction ― nothing too intense,” she said. “Then slowly glide side-to-side along the full length of the vulva. Let it feel smooth and continuous as if you were gliding your puckered lips across corn on the cob.”
The key here is consistency and coverage.
“With the Kivin method, you’re stimulating more areas at once and building anticipation instead of focusing only on the clitoris,” she said. “There are thousands of pleasure enhancing nerve endings all over the inner labia as well, and you’ll be offering more coverage for heightened sensations.”
