My party for you moment will be when you decided to prove what everyone has been saying about you. Why? why do you let yourself treat me that way? Why you choose to go with her when your know how horrible she was to me? Why did you leave me unanswered? Why did you glance at me just like I was never exist? Just why?
From the day I started noticing you, I thought you’re just gonna be one of my flings that stopped for not long in my mind. But I’ve tried. I’ve tried to remove you from my brain, trust me, I did try. But it seems like trying isn’t enough when my eyes still try to catch you even in the crowded room.
I still search for your existence, I’m still hoping every day we could still glance at each other’s eyes, I’m still putting many possibilities for us to find in our best condition. Even after all this time, I’m still hoping that you would think of me too. I’m still hoping that maybe someday you will realize how bad it was, and you’ll yearn for me.
Not just your existence in the crowded room, I’m also still searching for the closure that never came. I keep recalling all the apologies you never made. I keep asking the same question since that day. The unanswered question haunts me until I close my eyes, and when I close my eyes? You appeared. If you could see my thoughts, you would see our faces. You would see, how beautiful it was when your hand touched mine for the first time. How endearing your brown eyes looked at me when we were together.
I don’t usually have a hard time moving on, I even thought that my feelings for you was over. Sinve I was the one who ended it, I was the one who cut us off. But, seeing you with the replacement makes me wonder, Is it really over or I just keep distracting myself from you? I’ve been pretending in front of everyone, hating you was the only way to admit that you are no longer present in my life. Or at least it was the only way that didn’t hurt me much.
You told me that you missed me, you smiled at me on the court. And we did smile to each — other again in that Friday’s afternoon. Should’ve known all of the stuff we did was only the game you played it to everyone, every girl specifically. I told everyone that all I’m trying to do is just get mad and yell at you about how hurt it is to me, but in my personal thought, all I want to do with you is just cry my heart out till you realize how bad you broke me, not just my heart, but also my soul. You crashed it, even worse, you crashed it slowly.
The way you choose to did it anyway, when you might know if you choose that, it’ll shattered my heart. It’ll pops a question in everyone’s mouth to me, asking why you choose her? why you did it? do you really love her, or it satisfies your ego seeing how miserable i am right now?
The apologize you never made haunts me everyday. It haunts me, even in my busiest day. I don’t know if this is the karma i got for being mad at you or else, but I admit your action is pretty horrible. It hurts me, it shatters my soul crazily. Never think of I will see you with the one we hated the most back then.
Dear, You…. I’m still checking up on you quietly. Checking if you’re doing fine, still smiling widely, living happily. Oh, maybe I would never reach out anymore, but if you reach out first, call me first, I would surely and immediately pick it up. Cause even after all this time, I’m still into you. I still would love to smile just because you stopped by in my dream. You may hurt, crash, break my heart and soul — but I still would love to learn your scent. 🙂
