Millennials And Gen Z Are Going Into Debt To Date

When you add up dinner, drinks and gas or ride-shares, dating can cost a small fortune these days. It’s become so expensive that a startling number of Americans are willing to take on credit card debt just to afford it.

According to a new “loveflation” survey from online billing site Invoice Home, one in four young Americans would consider going into credit card debt to afford dating someone they really liked.

What’s more, the site found that 41% of Gen Z and 43% of millennials are using buy now, pay later (BNPL) payment methods to afford those dates. (That depressing trend goes beyond dating; a recent Lending Tree survey found that a growing number of Americans are using buy now, pay later loans to buy groceries.)

Unfortunately, not all those dates are genuine connections. Americans spent an average of $498.18 on dates that didn’t work out in the last year, the site found, and one in six millennials spent up to $1,000 on bad dates alone.

Valentine’s Day — just around the corner — can be especially stressful for singles who have money on their minds: About 30% of Gen Z say they would break up with someone who didn’t spend enough on them for the holiday, compared with 20% of dating Americans overall.

Americans’ willingness to go into debt for dating shows just me how deeply the need for belonging shapes financial decisions, said Shannah Game, a certified financial planner and author of “Unraveling Your Relationship with Money.”

Dating today can feel like a performance, and credit cards make it easy to support an image of financial ease even when it isn’t real, Game told HuffPost.

“Borrowing to impress someone usually comes from a very human place — no one wants money to be the reason they don’t get a second date,” she said. “But spending can create a temporary sense of confidence and connection. The challenge is that financial stress tends to last far longer than the excitement of a new relationship.”

With loneliness at an all-time high, the pressure feels even greater. When someone finds a rare connection, they don’t want money to be the reason they lose it, said Gina Judge, a money coach and founder of The Millennial Money Guide.

“From my experience working with young professionals, I’ve seen both sides: Women who feel pressure to ‘keep up’ with someone who appears established, and men who feel pressure to finance a lifestyle they can’t sustain,” Judge told HuffPost.

Going into debt for dating isn’t really about irresponsibility, she said, it’s about scarcity mixed with social pressure.

But things are just more costly. Singles are feeling the pain of inflation and higher prices in a very real way, said Andrea Woroch, a consumer finance expert. (“We found love in a hopeless place” may just as well be about dating in this economy.)

“Persistent inflation and tariffs are driving up prices on everyday goods, including food, and this trickles into the service industry, causing companies to raise prices, which is why we see dates costing more, whether it’s going out to dinner, a concert, or just about anything else,” she said.

The same Invoice Home survey found that first dates now average $125 and an average cost of nearly $200 per outing once a couple is officially in a relationship. Those figures reflect how inflated our lifestyle expectations have become, she added.

“Dating used to be coffee, a walk, or dinner. Now it often includes curated experiences: restaurants, drinks, events, rideshares, outfits, the list goes on,” Judge said.

To keep your finances from taking a hit while dating, we asked experts to share their advice on staying financially stable while looking for love.

Knowing the amount of money you can comfortably allocate to dating each month is the first step here, said Lily Womble, a dating coach and author of “Thank You, More Please: A Feminist Guide to Breaking Dumb Dating Rules and Finding Love.”

“I recommend knowing your numbers and figuring out what boundaries you need to put in place with your wallet and dates to feel financially comfortable,” she said. “Even if that means going on free and cheap dates like festivals in your area, meet-ups at your local bookstore, or a walk around the park, there are creative ways to connect that may not be as Instagram-worthy but would be just as joyful.”

Face facts: You’re not Drake and you can’t fly women out for dates, or build up a collection of Birkin bags for your future wife. (All of which is weird anyway!) Instead, lean into some subtle penny pinching while dating: Look for deals via Groupon or LivingSocial for savings of up to 60% off restaurants, spa services, adventure activities and more, for instance, Woroch said. Or use an app like InKind, which allows you to get 20% back at thousands of Yelp favorites and even some Michelin-rated restaurants, bars and cafés.

“You can also tap into free rewards such as using Fetch or Fetch Shop, which gives you points for scanning receipts or online purchases that can be redeemed for gift cards to restaurants, movie theaters like AMC and Regal and activity centers like Top Golf or Dave and Busters, and more.”

Woroch is also a fan of buying discount gift cards from Costco or Sam’s Club, since they can offer up to 30% off for restaurants, movie theaters and more.

For second and later dates, pay attention to what impresses the other person, not just to what reads “expensive” to you: If he’s a creative and loves art, invite him over for a DIY paint and sip session. Pack a picnic with a charcuterie board if she mentioned her love for a good brie.

“Many people feel far more relaxed and authentic on simpler dates, which is exactly what allows real chemistry to build,” Judge said. “Someone who values creativity, conversation, and shared experiences is signaling emotional maturity.”

There are risks to leading with your wallet while dating that you probably want to avoid: You could end up with someone who’s superficial and more interested in your money than in you.

“When expensive plans become the expectation, it can point to a mismatch in values,” Judge said.

It’s nice to hang out in the daytime, too. Plan a lunch date rather than dinner to score lunch specials and get more food for less while avoiding crowds, Woroch said.

Another tip when it comes to scheduling? If you’re planning a romantic night away, go midweek if you can swing it for cheaper hotel rates.

The bigger issue isn’t dating, Judge said, it’s that so many young people feel financially fragile.

“When one in four Americans would consider debt for dating, it tells me we have a financial literacy gap and a social pressure problem,” she said. “Debt should never be used to secure affection. A healthy relationship starts with financial honesty, not a maxed-out card.”

If your emotional spending is tied to a need for connection or validation — and for many Americans, it is — consider making this the year you build a healthier relationship with money, whether you’re following money coaches on TikTok or reading financial literacy books for building wealth, managing debt, and improving money psychology.

“Financial stability is attractive. Debt-fueled impressing is not,” Judge said. “The right person will value thoughtfulness over spending.”