Their reasons varied and some of these men’s logic is sure to cause a debate. Here’s why they didn’t propose:
1. “I did not propose after eight years because I knew deep down we were fundamentally different in terms of what we wanted and needed, and I had not found her attractive anymore. She found me at a very dark time in my life and helped me get out of it, so I felt obliged to stay with her when subconsciously I knew it was a bad fit, and I kept trying to make the wrong piece fit into the puzzle. With my current partner, I want to marry her as soon as possible. I was very purposeful with dating after my ex and took my time in finding the right person. When you know, you know. Hindsight is 20-20, and I should have ended the last relationship years before I actually did.”
2. “I am terrified of actually signing over all my stuff to a woman who can change her mind on the flip of a coin and ruin my entire life. Honestly, I think marriage is the most insane thing a man can do. It is up there with playing Russian roulette.”
3. “I had one foot out of the door a few years into the relationship, and I never found a reason to put it back in. I just did not know how to break it off until I was finally able to do so.”
4. “I took a long time to propose because we were broke and had very little control over where our careers would take us. I did not feel like I had finished building a foundation that I could ask her to trust for the rest of her life.”
5. “I am going to be completely honest. I loved the sex I had with her. It was wild. However, every other part of the relationship was not great. She had no sense of humor, did not like to try new things, and really did not seem like wife material.”
6. “I am married now, but really I was terrified of rejection and divorce. My parents separated when I was quite young. I grew up around men who kept saying to never get married and how women will change for the worse. My mom remarried multiple times, and I was a mere afterthought when it came to her absentee parenting.”
7. “Our sex life is absolute dogshit, to me, and I have no cause to think it will become better. It makes me question the entire relationship. And as pathetic as it sounds, I am just too emotionally weak to end it, and marriage would just chain me up further.”
8. “I am about to hit the 10-year mark with my S.O. I do not live in a common law state. I personally do not believe in marriage as it is currently defined for a variety of reasons. I do not care to elaborate. I have committed my heart, body, and soul to her. That is good enough for me. I have also named her as the only trustee of the trust to which all my assets will transfer when I die. She is also my medical proxy, medical power of attorney, and my emergency contact. If I am in the hospital and she claims to be my wife, and I confirm, it is not like they are going to ask to see our marriage license.”
9. “There were glaring issues that were not fixed over the course of the relationship, and they were pretty foundational issues, really just one, and it was the lack of sex. Eventually, I proposed to her because both of our mothers almost begged me to. Worst mistake I made. Not because I did not want to, but me listening to them and allowing them to have a say is what actually ended us, because I was not ready to do so, and taking that step made the issues all the more serious.”
10. “Every time I think we are ready for it, we end up having a really big fight, and she says genuinely hurtful things that make me completely reconsider it.”
11. “She is really bad with money, like really bad. To the point where I am not sure I want to continue with her or see any point in having kids with her. I talked to her about this and tried to solve it, but no, she pisses away money like nothing, and every month her balance is zero. The worst part is she does not really know what she spends it on, just stuff.”
12. “Something never felt right. First, it was a financial issue, then once that was resolved, it was an issue with the distance between us. I was not prepared to commit until we were at the best our relationship could be. She ended up cheating. Bullet dodged. All it cost was eight years of my life.”
13. “Does getting married make a woman love you more? Does not getting married make a woman love you less? Either you want to be with that man or you do not. The lack of marriage puts pressure on a woman to be on her best behavior or else he can leave. Marriage puts pressure on the man to be on his best behavior or else she can leave. The difference is, he leaves empty-handed, and she leaves with a lot more than she came with.”
14. “Currently, I am in a 14-year-long relationship, with a three-year gap near the beginning. We basically live like a married couple. For me, there are two reasons. First, we had a lot of ups and downs and even couples therapy along the way. We were both raised in dysfunctional families, so it did not help. At this point, things are going great and all, but I do not think our relationship is healed enough yet. But come on, I know there are a lot of couples who fix, or at least try to, their relationship with a proposal, wedding, kids, and so on.”
“The second reason is that I really, really, really do not want to burden her with my family. I just do not want her to be a part of my family. Actually, I am trying to even cut myself out of my family a little more each year. The next thing is I do not want and do not have the capacity to be a part of her family and deal with their issues either. Some clarification at the end: Do I love her? Very much. Do I see any problem spending the next 14, or 28, or 56 years together? Not at all. Kids? Maybe in the future. But marriage? Nah, I am good, at least for now. Maybe things will change in the next year or two.”
15. And finally, “I never considered myself the marrying type. I was in a 15-year relationship with a woman where, the first day we met, I had said that I wanted neither marriage nor kids, so if she wanted that, we should not start anything. Anyway, the relationship ended, she cheated, and life went on. Then I ended up meeting a woman who sort of got in my head. She is witty, charming, intelligent, curious, and thinks and questions things, and we have these long, amazing conversations that leave me invigorated and happy, and suddenly I think, if she wanted to get married, I would not be opposed. I do not know if I just got older and wiser, or if deep down I knew that my ex was not the one.”
Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
