Kink is an umbrella term used to describe a wide range of sexual interests and behaviors that fall outside of the conventional “vanilla” appetite.
And while kinks were once thought of as fringe sexual interests enjoyed by a small group of people, over time, they have become more and more mainstream.
In the last decade or so, “Kink has permeated our cultural consciousness in a way that it never has before,” sex researcher Justin Lehmiller wrote in a blog post for Psychology Today, citing the popularity of the “Fifty Shades” books and movies as a prime example.
Some kinks are things folks have acted on or might like to act on one day (with clear communication and enthusiastic consent from all parties, of course). But for others, a kink is something they’re happy to enjoy as a titillating fantasy in their mind.
So which kinks are folks most curious about these days? We asked sex experts to reveal what they’re hearing from their clients.
1. BDSM
BDSM (which stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism) is probably the sort of stuff that comes to mind when you hear the word “kink.”
It encompasses “a range of activities, including power play, consensual pain or restraint for mutual pleasure,” sex therapist Tom Murray, author of “Making Nice With Naughty,” told HuffPost. And, crucially, BDSM “involves clear communication and consent, often outlined in advance through contracts or agreements.”
It’s a way for people to explore power dynamics, trust and vulnerability, he said.
“For many, it’s not just about physical sensation but emotional and psychological connection, which can be profoundly fulfilling,” Murray added.
Clinical sexologist and sex and dating coach Myisha Battle said BDSM is the most popular kink among her clientele.
“Most people who ask about it have seen BDSM depicted in popular media, find it erotic, and want to replicate what they see,” Battle, the author of “This Is Supposed to Be Fun: How to Find Joy in Hooking Up, Settling Down, and Everything in Between,” told HuffPost.
“They may have some light experience with restraint or impact play, but want recommendations for toys, like under-bed restraints that make restraining easier and floggers and crops for more intense impact.”
2. Role-Play
Another common kink is role-play — or when partners step into different personas in an erotic context. These characters or scenarios “ignite excitement and escape routine,” Murray said, noting that authority figures, strangers and historical fantasies are among the most popular themes.
“Role-playing allows individuals to explore parts of their identity or fantasies that might feel inaccessible in daily life. It fosters creativity, reduces inhibitions and can deepen connection through playful exploration,” he added.
Jerome Tisne via Getty Images
Battle also mentioned role-play as one of the kinks that piques her clients’ curiosity the most.
“Some want pointers on how to initiate a roleplay scene or just want to know how role play could help them be more in the moment with their partner(s),” she said. “I will also recommend roleplay to clients who may feel shy about talking dirty during sex as playing a character who is more sexually confident can often help them be more vocal.”
3. Voyeurism And Exhibitionism
Murray cited voyeurism — “finding arousal in watching others engage in sexual activity or undress” — and exhibitionism — “the excitement from being watched” — as two separate but related kinks people are quite intrigued by.
“These activities often play out in consensual settings like clubs or private arrangements,” he said. “Something I’m seeing more of is men enjoying watching their female partner have sex with other men.”
Voyeurism and exhibitionism tap into “primal feelings” of watching others or being watched by others, “intensifying sensations of being desired or experiencing taboo,” Murray said. “They often challenge societal norms around privacy and exposure, adding a layer of thrill.”
As is the case with any sexual behavior, consent is essential here. For voyeurs, that might mean watching people get it on at a sex club or party where observing is encouraged. For exhibitionists, that might mean attending one of these sex parties, vacationing at a nude resort or sending sexy photos to a partner with permission.
4. Orgasm Control
Another kink folks are curious to explore: Orgasm control, a sexual practice in which you hold your partner (or yourself) in an aroused state for a prolonged period before — or without — reaching climax.
In a partnered dynamic, one person is intentionally put in charge of controlling the other’s orgasm; meanwhile, the receiver gets to experience “intense anticipation and heightened sensations of delayed pleasure,” sex therapist Janet Brito, founder of the Hawaii Center for Sexual and Relationship Health, told HuffPost.
“The goal is to experience deliberate orgasm denial or delay, which can build immense arousal and excitement,” she explained. “Typically, the partner in control teases and arouses the receiver, often to the edge of orgasm — a practice known as ‘edging’ — but only allows release when they decide.”
The build-up and eventual release can be powerful for both partners in the scenario. And this kink isn’t just about the physical sensations, Brito said.
“[It] explores power dynamics, trust and surrender,” she added.
5. Primal Play
Battle has clients who describe their ideal sexual dynamic as “very active and embodied,” she said, including things like wrestling, rolling around and hair-pulling.
“They describe [these] as huge turn-ons but don’t know how to request these things or find partners who are aligned,” she said.
Battle has helped them identify this kink as “primal play.” The website Kinkly defines it as “raw, instinctual behaviors and the shedding of societal norms and inhibitions” that typically fall under the general BDSM umbrella. It may also include things like growling, biting, scratching or other “natural and unrestrained” behaviors, per Kinkly.
Putting a name to this kink “not only validates that what they like is something that others may be into,” Battle said, “but also gives them language to put on dating profiles.”
