There’s a part of my story I haven’t told — not because it wasn’t important, but because it was too sacred to place in the middle of all that chaos. I didn’t mention you in the chapter about my spiral, and in doing so, I realize I didn’t fully acknowledge your presence in my life during that time either. And for that, I am so deeply sorry.
You were there. You stayed. You stood by me when I was unraveling, when I was lost in a storm of pain, addiction, and confusion. You were the one steady thing in a world that had gone completely sideways. And while I couldn’t see it then — while my mind was too far gone, too clouded by substances and sorrow — I see it now. I see you now.
You didn’t just support me. You kept me alive. Literally. When I couldn’t find a reason to keep breathing, you were the reason. When I couldn’t feel my own worth, you reminded me — just by being there — that I still had something to live for. You were my heartbeat when I couldn’t hear my own.
I didn’t want to live the way I was living. I didn’t want to wake up every day in that nightmare. But the substances numbed the pain, blurred the edges of my reality, and gave me just enough distance from the truth to survive another day. I know now that surviving isn’t the same as living. And I know that while I was surviving, you were sacrificing.
You don’t deserve to be written into the darkest parts of my story. You were the light. You were better than all of it. And I wish I could’ve shown you that then. I wish I could’ve looked you in the eyes and said, “Thank you. I see you. I love you.” But I couldn’t. Not then.
So I’m saying it now.
Thank you for your strength. Thank you for your love. Thank you for not giving up on me when I had given up on myself. I love you more than words can hold. And I will spend the rest of my life making sure you know that.
You are not part of my downfall. You are part of my resurrection.
I love you mostest times infinity Jasline Marie.
