It’s not your fault you feel this way. But you don’t have to stay there.
Sometimes it feels like emotions happen to us, like the weather.
“I guess I’m just sad today.”
“It is what it is.”
But here’s the part no one tells you:
You might not get to choose the feeling that shows up. But you do have a say in how long it stays there.
When we’ve been through trauma or long-term hurt, sadness, or pain can start to feel familiar. It’s almost comforting in a strange way. We stop trying to feel better because part of us doesn’t trust that “feeling better” is even possible. So we sit in the sadness like it’s the only place we belong.
Sometimes, without realizing it, we even let the pain in like a guest who shows up uninvited…. and we don’t ask it to leave. Not because we want to suffer, but because suffering is what we know. It feels predictable. Safe. Normal.
But here’s the truth:
You’re allowed to feel your feelings, and you’re allowed to move through them.
Pain doesn’t have to be your home anymore. You deserve moments of peace, even if they feel unfamiliar at first, because you deserve better.
It took me over 20 years to realize that I deserved better. I sat in my pain day after day — wishing it would go away, wanting it to stop — but doing nothing about it because it had become my comfort zone. I was stuck in a rut and had no idea how to pull myself out.
But once I finally recognized that I did deserve better, the answers started coming to me — sometimes slowly, and sometimes all at once.
I spent 24 years in an abusive marriage. Today, I can say I made it out. And so can you.
