What a Narcissist Really Thinks When You Show Empathy (And Why They Love to Torture You)
Empaths and Highly Sensitive people, this is for you.
We see the good; we process the world through our own lens. That is the flaw and the beauty of perception. It’s why we can’t understand how a narcissist sees our kindness as weakness.
We are, in fact, fun to torture and a great source of energy.
They think we are pathetic creatures who deserve everything we get. I’m not guessing; I studied this for years after escaping a covert narcissist. It’s true. They gain pleasure by tormenting others; they are just a step down from a sociopath.
The biggest red flag was how much empathy I had for the other person’s supposed hurts and struggles.
I took on so much responsibility, thinking we were a team. I was all-in. In hindsight, we were never a team. If I got sick or hurt, I was a crybaby overreacting. But if he stubbed a toe, I was expected to wait on him hand and foot. This, at the time, was normalized. I was devalued for having any needs at all, whereas he was always in need of more and more, I could never give enough.
A large part of this is the patterning from years of being gaslit into believing other people’s opinions over reality.
It’s a horror story narrative that turns everything into your fault. This toxic patterning starts way back in childhood, setting the stage for attracting bad adult partners, friends, and work environments. We kill ourselves trying to do the most for others.
When you’re trapped in it, this creates intense cognitive dissonance.
The kindness of the person we are ‘serving’ becomes a craving. That momentary affection feels so good, so deeply relieving. And just like that, you have the foundation for a trauma bond.
Break the Bond
Look at the person for who they are in the present moment. Note how often they make you feel calm and safe versus confused, apologetic, or scared.
Recognizing this bond and breaking free is the best, most powerful thing you will ever do. Liberate yourself. It isn’t easy, but look in the mirror: Do you barely recognize your old self? Are you constantly walking on eggshells and trying to please them — while being reinforced that nothing you do is ever enough?
This kind of crazy-making will kill you early.
It is worth it. Break the trauma bond. That fake future you’re holding onto is never going to happen.
Set yourself free and fly.
I help you through story and coaching to break free and transform into the highest version of you. Free, happy, and thriving.
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