Name: The sunset stipulation.
Age: About six months.
Appearance: Two people, facing the end with dignified magnanimity.
Yikes, this sounds bleak. I’m not talking about death, just the end of a relationship.
That’s still quite bleak. It is if you’re not expecting it. But if you impose a sunset stipulation into your love life, everything gets a lot more practical.
Oh, fantastic. What is it? It’s simple – you just insist on an agreed-upon date, at which point you and your partner will discuss whether you both still want to be together.
Is this really a thing? Sure it is. Imagine drifting directionlessly through your 20s, entering into one half-hearted and loosely defined semi-relationship after another. Doesn’t it sound awful to waste your time like that?
For the sake of expediency, let’s say yes. But if you implement a sunset clause, where you both check in after a few months to make sure that this is definitely what you want and decide to end it if it isn’t, then all that directionlessness is removed. Full transparency. Full forward momentum.
But what if one of you still enjoys the relationship? Are you kidding? Do you really want to trap your partner in a loveless future simply because you’re scared of what life will be like without them?
Yes! That’s literally every relationship I’ve ever been in! Then you need a sunset stipulation more than anyone. Think of it as inbuilt obsolescence for a relationship.
This is getting bleak again. Stop being so pessimistic. At its core, it simply means setting aside time at a predetermined date to discuss your happiness as a couple. It’s a way to promote the open and honest communication that all relationships should thrive on.
Can’t we just turn a blind eye to everything and struggle on unhappily until one of us eventually dies? Ah, the old “your parents’ approach” to love. How did that work out for you?
Aside from the lingering trauma of growing up in a hostile environment, wonderful. Now imagine that your parents had agreed to make sure they still wanted to be together once every couple of months. You’d have a much more mature model of dealing with things yourself.
Fine, then. How do I implement a sunset stipulation? It’s easy. You say: “This is going great, but I’m aware that people can often grow in different directions over the years. I want to make sure our love remains as fresh and pure as it is today, so let’s decide to review our shared feelings and goals on a six-monthly basis going forward.”
And then hope they leave because you’re so boring? Yes, exactly that.
Do say: “Darling, I love you …”
Don’t say: “… and I will for approximately six to eight months.”
