I’d like to start this one off with suggesting you imagine a scene. Let’s say, you’re watching someone carefully assemble a beautiful origami crane, but every time their fingers get close to completing it, they crumple the paper and start over.
That’s avoidant attachment.
Now imagine someone using that same origami paper to give you a thousand tiny paper cuts while convincing you it’s origami practice.
That’s abuse wearing an attachment-style costume.
And oh, how often we confuse the two.
I’d be lying if I said this didn’t keep me up at night. Somewhere right now, someone with a genuine avoidant attachment style is being painted as a villain. And somewhere else, someone is giving their abuser a free pass because “they’re just avoidant.”
Both scenarios are heartbreaking. And both are dangerous in completely different ways.
My aim today is to shed a light on the difference between genuine avoidance and mistreatment.
The Avoidant Truth
Research consistently shows that avoidant attachment develops when children learn that emotional needs won’t be met — or worse, that expressing those needs leads to rejection or…
