In this week’s episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions, I chat with financial therapist Rachel Duncan about our fascinating and often complicated relationship with money. Drawing from both our personal experiences and Rachel’s professional insights, we explore how our money stories are shaped by everything from childhood experiences and family dynamics to cultural conditioning and class.
We dig into why money often feels tied to rejection and safety, how people pleasing affects our financial choices, and why checking our bank balance (or not!) isn’t really about the money at all. Rachel shares a beautiful journaling exercise for starting to heal our relationship with money, and we discuss why being “good” or “bad” with money isn’t really the point—it’s about understanding and evolving our relationship with it.
IN THIS EPISODE…
- Our relationship with money is deeply rooted in early experiences and family dynamics. The money attitudes and beliefs we carry are often formed by age seven or eight, shaped by watching the adults around us and experiencing financial situations that become tied to our sense of safety and belonging.
- Money often becomes intertwined with our sense of acceptance and rejection. When we put ourselves out there (e.g. raising our rates, launching a new offering, or making financial decisions), our response to the outcome isn’t just about the money itself. It’s also about deeper feelings of being accepted or rejected. This connection between money and rejection is part of why financial decisions can feel so emotionally charged.
- People-pleasing tendencies significantly impact our relationship with money, from avoiding looking at our finances to making financial decisions based on others’ expectations rather than our own needs. This can show up as covering bills we can’t afford, avoiding necessary conversations about money, or staying in patterns of underearning to maintain belonging with our ‘people’.
- The ‘good with money’ versus ‘bad with money’ dichotomy is false and unhelpful. Everyone’s relationship with money is unique and influenced by multiple factors, including culture, class, neurodivergence, and personal history. What matters isn’t following a prescribed set of financial behaviors, but finding ways to interact with money that work for you while being conscious of your patterns.
- Healing our relationship with money isn’t about quick fixes or budgeting tools. It’s about understanding and working through our emotional patterns around money. This might involve examining our money avoidance, recognising how we use money to seek acceptance, and learning to be more protective of our financial wellbeing. It’s an ongoing process of building a healthier, more conscious relationship with money.
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