Childhood Trauma!
When one hears this word, one may think of physical abuse, violence, screaming and torture. Because we think it in extreme way. And when someone say that they had a traumatic childhood and they experienced none of the above we may label it as they are being sensitive. Trauma not always means the hitting and torture it can be neglect, preferring one of your sibling over you, silencing you when you show something what you love the most, the laughter that follows in a gathering when you told something you were proud of. The repetition of such incidents shapes your behavior as an adult. Think of it as a vacuum cleaner that sucks in the dirt and the dust container is emptied later so it may function well. All the negativity that you receive as a child it gets sucked in your brain and it needs to be cleared by your own primary caregivers. And when they fail to do so what happens is you grow up storing all that dirt or emotional baggage with you and wonder why are you not enough, confident, attractive and that girl or that boy like others.
Now your core belief system tells you “You are not worthy” no matter what you do. Like I used to be insecure about my dark complexion when I was 6 years old. One of our neighbor used to often say to my mother “ You have a fair complexion its a pity to have a daughter like her”. I used to hide and felt ashamed and my mother used to laugh it off. But now as an adult I see a child of such a young age do not even know about what complexion is. So. the point of sharing this is the wounds neglected:
1. The wound of being judged I had no control over.
2. The wound of my primary caregiver not protecting me.
3. The wound of being a worthless child who causes parents a shame.
Now that was the dirt that stored in my mind and it needed immediate cleaning by validation from someone a child trusts the most. Upon not receiving any such validation, it got stored and haunted me still. When I was 22 years old, a university student, sitting in a van feeling the girl next to me is seeing my hands and judging me I do not have a fair complexion. When I had to go to wedding and everyone was getting ready applying foundations to look fair and I sat in corner almost wishing to become invisible knowing none of the foundation will suit me on my skin tone. When I was buying a fairy frock of white colored and I liked it so much and was just denied “It would not look good on me It was for the fair ones”.
When I always used to avoid wearing heels. The insecurity always haunted me.
The purpose of telling this was the side effects of the incidents we consider to be minute. So, Self awareness is very important to know that insecurity is something learned and it is not the personality itself. Once you separate the “Learned” from the “Personality” you have already separated the “Past” from the “Present”. The next step is allowing yourself to be loved by your own self. Its your validation that matters and If you have got someone to look up to ,its none but your own best version. Practicing positive self talk and affirmation, journaling and shadow work, Gratitude and loving yourself is the key to clean your mind from things you never deserved.
