We often think that aggressiveness, winning the war, proving we’re right, and proving ourselves against other people is the ultimate power and dominance. It gives us a massive feeling of being wanted and feeling like we have achieved true happiness. Anger is an emotion that gets triggered whenever we feel the need to be proven right, whenever we feel like we have lost a close one by being betrayed, and whenever we lose an opportunity we’ve been wanting to take. Anger is often an unhealthy way of grieving at times, It is a destructive emotion mixed with the feeling of needing validation and wanting to be right.
A common misconception people of our generation have is moving from ‘longing’ to ‘anger’ and labeling it as ‘moving on.’ When people go from a significant type of loss, they feel all these emotions and anger is undeniably one of them. They think that now, they need to prove to themselves and the world that they are the ones who ‘win’. It is a defense mechanism designed for you to suppress your emotions in the long run and hit a ‘crash’ later where you realized you haven’t actually processed anything and you’re still grieving. These type of people are the one’s who never let go emotionally. They stay tethered, stay destructive, and stay angry. These people are not to be blamed as they were hurt. However, it still ruins life for them in the long run where they pretend to ‘outrun’ the grief by anger.
Angry people think that they’re secure but in reality, these people are often the most fragile and the most hurt. They often have an actual inner low self esteem and a hunger for validation. They often run from their emotions, they run from the silence, they regress and repeat, block and beat, they scream into a void that simply doesn’t care enough to shout back. These type of people hurt not just anyone, but themselves. They let other’s betrayals get to their head and define their worth but in reality, worth is not defined by what other’s think of you, it’s how you choose to perceive yourself and love yourself. Loving yourself is letting go of ‘anger and grief’ that holds you back.
This world doesn’t care about how you feel and evidently, the world is going to move on no matter what choices you take. You think that anger, shutting yourself out from your emotions and enforcing the idea that you’ve moved on is ‘moving on’ while realistically, it still affects you in a way. Feeling anger towards how you got treated, rejected, left, blamed, betrayed, is still a form of emotional suffocation. It proves that this certain event still holds a very big status in your life and that it ‘drives’ you perform and act on ‘indifference’. To deal with loss, it is important to control anger, process grief, and reach the actual art of ‘indifference’ instead of performing.
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
But here’s the truth — Indifference is quiet. Indifference is the state you reach where an event does not affect you nor your life anymore. The opposite of emotional attachment isn’t hate or anger, its the art of indifference. The moment where you start feeling indifference to that event and stop caring is the moment you truly let yourself free. So no matter how life turns out, we need to learn how to ‘forgive and forget.’ and truly then will we reach internal peace and blessings.
Grief and anger are understandable emotions. While anger is a valid emotion, keeping it internal is the biggest act of ‘self love’. People think that by being angry, demanding answers, and changing and performing they are being ‘brave’ but in reality, they’re just being ‘loud. The source of your anger does not care. They won’t care if you try to destroy their life or upgrade yours, they feel pure indifference and the only way to be supreme — is to reach their indifference. It’s when you stop trying to prove that you matter, and just, matter.
“And do not walk on the earth arrogantly” — Surah Al-Isra (17:37)
