Every holiday season, right after the mandatory airport selfie and just before somebody posts a sunset with the caption ‘Living my best life’, another familiar travel ritual begins: a heated discussion about Indian tourists and travel etiquette.
Everyone agrees there is a problem. Nobody seems to agree what the problem actually is.
One camp insists Indian tourists are unfairly stereotyped. Another is convinced we are personally responsible for every queue violation from Delhi to Dublin. A third camp is busy forwarding videos of tourists dancing or behaving badly – which are not the same thing, but usually accompanied by enough outrage to power a small city.
The trouble is that most conversations stop at “people have no etiquette” without ever explaining what that means. Many travel habits aren’t acts of deliberate rudeness. Often they’re things we’ve simply never thought about because nobody told us otherwise. We do what we’ve always seen others do.
So, before anyone accuses me of starting a national character debate, let me say this straight up: I don’t subscribe to the blanket generalisation that Indian tourists are uniquely ill-mannered. I travel a lot and I have met some wonderfully considerate Indian travellers and some spectacularly annoying tourists from every corner of the planet.
I’m, however, not an expert, etiquette coach, behavioural scientist or representative of the Ministry of Civilised Holidays. What this write up has are simply a few observations gathered from years of airports, hotels, ferries, beaches and sightseeing spots – one of which I am presently sitting at. And writing these tiny travel DO NOTs that would seem very obvious to a lot of people, but for some reason, many do not practise. If you do, you are unknowingly saving a fellow traveller’s blood pressure.
AT THE AIRPORT
- DO NOT break the queue
The queue is not a loose suggestion.
It is not a rough estimate of the distance to the gate. It is not an interactive experience where participants can choose their own entry point.
The remarkable thing about queues is that they work perfectly when everybody believes in them. The moment one person decides they have discovered a faster route to destiny, the entire system begins to collapse.
The three minutes you save are rarely worth the collective irritation of thirty strangers.
2. DO NOT turn the security belt into your personal dressing room
Collect your tray. Move aside. Then begin reconstruction.
Every frequent traveller has witnessed the legendary passenger who receives their belongings and immediately launches into a twenty-minute restoration project directly at the security conveyor belt.
Shoes. Belt. Watch. Wallet. Phone. Charger. Boarding pass. Water bottle. Jacket. Backpack.
Then a thoughtful pause about life and its true purpose.
Meanwhile, trays at the security belt are arriving at inverse speed to how the luggage arrives, and fellow passengers are performing increasingly advanced breathing exercises.
3. DO NOT queue outside occupied toilet cubicles
This is specifically for the women toilets because I don’t know any better. When all the washroom cabins are occupied, there is usually a queue.
Join it.
Standing directly outside a cubicle door will not make the occupant finish faster. Nobody has ever emerged quicker because a stranger was stationed six inches from the door waiting for them to come out. What if it sends unseen stress vibes in the air that makes their excretion business flourish for longer? You could both miss your flight.
Also read: A Calmer You, by Sonal Kalra: No, your parents’ house is NOT your house
4. DO NOT share your videos with the entire terminal or aircraft
Your phone speaker is not public infrastructure.
The rest of us do not need to become unwilling participants in your favourite reality show, devotional playlist, cricket highlights package or motivational podcast. Headphones are among humanity’s greatest inventions. Right up there with online check-in and jet spray. Respect the innovators.
5. DO NOT form a boarding queue before boarding starts
Few airport mysteries are as enduring as the giant serpentine queue that forms twenty minutes before boarding is announced.
The airline says boarding will happen zone-wise.
The display says boarding will happen zone-wise.
The gate staff then announce that boarding will happen zone-wise.
Yet a determined group assembles anyway, only to disperse a few moments later. This is a flight, not a flash sale. It will not end…err…take off before you station your butt on the PRE-alloted seat. I know you are itching to argue that boarding early gets your cabin trolley the much-coveted overhead bin space. But these days airlines anyway hijack it before you board, don’t they?
6. DO NOT wear your backpack while standing in the deboarding aisle
The aircraft has landed.
Nobody is going anywhere for the next few minutes. Yet somehow dozens of people immediately hoist large backpacks onto their shoulders while packed tightly into the aisle.
Every turn then becomes a surprise martial art attack on someone’s face. Please remember that your backpack occupies considerably more space than your own awareness of it. Just wait for a few minutes before giving it the glory of being perched on your fabulous spine.
IN A RESORT
7. DO NOT turn breakfast buffet into a scene from Satte Pe Satta. Those who know the phrase Chain Kuli ki Main Kuli ki will get the joke
The buffet is not a competitive sport. The omelette station is not distributing the last food remaining on Earth. The watermelon will not disappear if you walk instead of sprinting towards it. For some reason, breakfast buffets acquire the energy of a railway platform five minutes before departure.
Relax.
You are on holiday.
The dosas are not judging you.
8. DO NOT practice your non-existent diving skills in the pool
Every resort pool contains at least one gentleman who, despite displaying no previous evidence of aquatic excellence, suddenly believes he is training for the Olympics.
This often ends with a dramatic splash, startled children and a pool assistant reconsidering career choices. Even more puzzling is the insistence on entering pools fully dressed in shorts, baniyan, T-shirts and occasionally clothing that appears to have been selected at random. When politely informed about pool rules, the standard defence emerges:
“Bas paanch minute pair daalkar baith jaate hain.”
It feels wonderful on the feet. The swimming pools, however, operate under a different constitution. Swimwear exists for a reason. Find out why.
9. DO NOT leave changing rooms and washrooms looking like flood zones
A quick glance behind you can achieve wonders. Did water somehow reach every surface except inside the toilet seat or the wash basin? Have paper napkins begun a new life on the floor?
The golden rule of washroom etiquette is simple.
Leave the washroom cleaner than you found it. At home. At work. At a resort. Even on a remote island. Civilisation is mostly a collection of people following this one principle.
AT A SIGHTSEEING SPOT
The simplest rule on my list and probably the most important.
10. DO NOT litter
A plastic bottle tossed into a river.
A chips packet left on a hillside.
A disposable cup abandoned on a beach.
Your one toss up may seem insignificant to you but a thousand pieces become a tragedy.
India is blessed with astonishing natural beauty. Mountains, forests, beaches, rivers, deserts and islands that can compete with almost anywhere in the world. The biggest problem with domestic tourism is lack of cleanliness.
Honestly, if we solved littering alone, a large percentage of the complaints people have about Indian tourist spots would disappear.
And then perhaps, one day, the defining stereotype of Indian tourists won’t be queue-jumping or buffet-charging. It will be our curiosity, our warmth, our enthusiasm and our almost supernatural ability to carry enough snacks for a three-day holiday to survive a six-month expedition.
