how my first solo trip helped me discover freedom + myself
The human tendency to be a walking contradiction will always fascinate me.
How we can want one thing and its opposite simultaneously. How we can swim in a deep range of emotions, catching and pulling waves of fear, excitement, anxiety, peace, and how it all bubbles and rushes between our fingers.
The plane glided above the ocean and every time I returned to the reality of what I was doing, my heart would skip. I wasn’t sure if it was the nerves or the joy calling my attention because both were highly present.
Before this, I rarely ventured out into the world alone.
If I wanted to do something, I needed someone there to do it with me. To visit a restaurant, try a new fitness class, or check out a party; if no one was available to accompany me, I simply couldn’t go.
And I knew this wasn’t okay — to base my happiness and ability to experience my interests on the availability and interests of others. I needed to grow comfortable with going out there on my own, otherwise risking missing out on it all.
So, I started small: solo beach dates. cool, easy.
The movies. slightly awkward, but fine.
Happy hour at a familiar restaurant. not horrible, but not great either.
I would constantly find myself lost in overthinking, but I knew that what I wanted and needed was on the other side of my self-inflicted discomfort. I just needed to work through it. And I could keep taking small steps, but in January 2022, I decided to take a six hour flight instead.
The five days I spent on the island of Oahu would change everything. I became someone I wasn’t sure I could be, but who I was meant to become all along. I discovered my freedom and reclaimed major aspects of my identity that would shape my life story for years to come.
So, if you’re considering skipping the small steps as well, this article is for you. Here are the three major ways in which my first solo trip changed my life forever.
showing up for myself > waiting for others
If they can make it to the restaurant, great. If they have it in their hearts to celebrate my birthday, amazing. If they send the money for the group trip, lovely.
But even if they can’t and won’t, I still can and will.
Time waits for no one and neither do I. Because the more time spent waiting on them, the more the quality of my existence depends on factors beyond my control — and that is far too precious a commodity to place in the hands of someone else.
I can’t control everything. A commitment to honoring my presence in this life and prioritizing showing up for myself doesn’t mean that life won’t still “life”. But knowing that a great deal of my human experience relies on what I am willing to do for myself, by myself, is enough.
No one will honor you like you can honor you. No one will respect your desires and wishes the way you do, and it’s not always because they don’t care — they are just not you.
So much time has been filled with beautiful experiences and joyous moments since this seed has been planted, because it allowed a new version of myself to bloom. A version of myself that is able to create these experiences and moments for myself, and always guarantees I get out to enjoy it all fully.
stronger self-trust + independence
After several days of exploring the island from Waikīkī to the North Shore, fresh fruit, and surviving seasickness (don’t ask), I decided to do the Diamond Head Trail hike. I hopped out the Lyft, popped in my earphones and followed the path. Through a tunnel, up many stairs, and into a bunker.
The island experienced heavy rainfall the week prior to my trip in early January, so a large puddle was formed right by the opposite end of the bunker in front of the exit to continue toward the summit. I watched as people before me helped each other — typically one person with long legs stepping across the water then reaching back to help their partners. And when it became my turn, I quickly realized my disadvantage in being a fun-sized height of 5’2”. I didn’t want to risk jumping across to the landing and losing my balance, and I for sure couldn’t step across, so I stepped to the side.
People behind me kept going — one making it across then helping the rest of their group. Nobody making eye contact, let alone offering to reach back to help me. I questioned whether this would be the end of my ascent and if my hike would be cut short. Then I scanned the rest of the bunker for an answer, and noticed a wall with a slight opening at the top. I made my way to it, stuffing my phone into my cross-body bag to free both hands. I climbed onto the wall, using my fun-size to my advantage to slip through the opening, and emerging to a spectacular view of the ocean just a few steps from the path and successfully out of the bunker. I took photos, headed back to the path, and proudly continued toward the summit.
Because I was alone, I had to figure this situation out on my own. I could have remained focused on the issue in front of me, likely causing me to turn back, but I learned in that moment how to seek a solution outside of my direct view. From finishing a hike to the overall planning of the trip, I learned how to trust myself and my independence simply because the quality of my entire experience was entirely up to me.
The quality of my entire experience is actually always up to me. And on this trip, I learned how to do the work ahead of time, as well as how to ebb and flow in the moment to make all the moments worthwhile.
I can take care of myself and I can look out for myself, therefore as long as I have myself, I can go anywhere and receive what I need, because I have proven to be self-sufficient and capable of giving myself exactly that + more.
e x p a n d e d my ‘comfort zone’
The home I held within the anxieties of my overthinking was secure, but it was not protection. It was a desire for the familiar with a need for the unknown — that walking contradiction again. A calling to leave the comfort in order to cultivate it, and hopping on what, at that time, would be the longest flight I had ever taken, did just that.
The border around me stood up by fear was demolished, and the zone of comfort inside spilled out like a basket of confetti. Suddenly, I can survive in the space outside that I was once so afraid of. In it, I actually thrive.
Unlocking this version of myself has unlocked an abundance of levels in this life the previous version wasn’t capable of reaching. Negative thoughts still surface but they aren’t debilitating — they come and go. I might worry, but I also plan. And things may not go according to plan, so I pivot.
And no matter what direction or how far I go, I can go and be just fine doing so. Because in leaving my comfort zone, I became it.
So if you are considering embarking on your first solo trip,
or doing anything out in this world graced solely with your own company — do it.
Give yourself permission to craft moments that are beyond memorable and discover another side of yourself. And make showing up for yourself the default, while allowing anything extra to simply be a pleasant surprise.
Follow your intuition, strengthen your self-trust, and learn just what it means for you to love life fully, and allow life to love you right back.
-A
