Rachael Kirkconnell’s breakup with Matt James in January made plenty of headlines — mostly due to James’ unusual Instagram announcement about their split. To recap: Back in 2021, Kirkconnell received James’ final rose on The Bachelor although they skipped the series’ typical ending: an engagement.
After filming, their relationship got off to a rocky start due to Kirkconnell’s past of racially insensitive behavior, but after reuniting, they kept the romance going for four years post-show. However, things came to an end in January when James posted a surprising Instagram caption, alongside a photo of him and Kirkconnell from The Bachelor finale.
“Father God, give Rachael and I strength to mend our broken hearts. Give us a peace about this decision to end our relationship that transcends worldly understanding,” he wrote in the since-deleted post. “Shower our friends and family with kindness and love to comfort us. And remind us that our Joy comes from you, Lord 💔.”
Since the shocking split, Kirkconnell has opened up about feeling surprised by the breakup. Here’s everything she has said about her dating life and mindset post-breakup — plus, she shared how she feels about single life now.
January 2025: She Was “Blindsided” By The Breakup
Kirkconnell and James split during a trip to Tokyo, Japan, and the former Bachelor announced the breakup right after, while Kirkconnell was at the airport to board her flight home.
According to her, she was “blindsided” by the split. “A few days before, we’re talking about how he feels lucky to have me as a partner,” she added. Plus, they had been talking about engagement rings a few months earlier.
Although they had some tension the night before, it never escalate into a full-on fight. However, that morning, he decided to call it quits. “He really let out everything that I guess he had been feeling for a while,” she told Call Her Daddy host Alex Cooper. “There were just qualities about me that he worries about having in a wife. At the end of the day, there are things that we aren’t compatible with. And the whole accountability and saying sorry and all… that was really the main thing.”
January 2025: Rachael Shut Down Reconciliation Rumors
About two weeks after their breakup, rumors surfaced that the exes had been spotted together when celebrity gossip account DeuxMoi posted a tip from one of their followers that read, “just left my apartment in kips bay and walked past Matt James and Rachael Kirkconnell.”
Kirkconnell replied to the post, “hmm wasn’t me lol.”
February 2025: She Posted An Ad Shading Her Ex
A month after her breakup, Kirkconnell posted an ad for Brawny with a shady message. In the since-deleted post, she quipped, “Even though I don’t have to worry about picking the perfect dinner spot anymore, life can still get messy.”
During her Call Her Daddy interview, Kirkconnell revealed that she and James (who often posts food content on social media) got into a tiff about finding a place for dinner the night before their split.
March 2025: She Feels A “Little Cynical,” But Wants A “Lover Boy”
In March, Kirkconnell gave an update on her post-breakup healing when she went on The Squeeze podcast. At the time, she explained that she still missed James, but was prioritizing her self-growth. “I still do wish, on some level, that we could be friends because he was my best friend,” she told host Tay Lautner.
Kirkconnell also opened up about how she feels about dating since the split. “I might be a little cynical right now … like when you ask like how I’m doing moving on or like how I’ve been able to navigate things,” she told Lautner. “I think that I have come to the realization that like a lot of it wasn’t me or my fault.”
She also explained what she’s looking for in her next relationship. “I just want someone who’s nice and not afraid to be romantic,” she said. “I just want someone to be so affectionate and loving towards me and scream it from the top of the world and not care what anyone thinks. I want a lover boy.”
October 2025: She’s Demisexual
Kirkconnell gave another update on her love life during an Oct. 16 episode of the Extra Dirty podcast. “I’ve been so chronically single. I haven’t been on a single date. I’m not on the apps. I’m not judging anyone who is on the apps, but I just don’t think that would work well for me,” she told podcast host Hallie Batchelder. “But honestly, if it gets to a point, I might have to jump on them.”
She also told Batchelder that she has not had sex in “years.” “I feel like a virgin again. OK, I don’t think that we’ve like discussed, guys. I haven’t had sex way longer than you think,” she said. “It’s been years. Years. It has been so long.”
Kirkconnell also said she feels connected to “demisexuality,” a sexual orientation where a person does not experience sexual attraction unless they have an emotional connection. “I just don’t think I could go home with anyone,” she told Batchelder. “I have to feel safe and comfortable with them and be emotionally invested at least in a way that I could see us dating or I at least have a crush on them … It’s not a physical attraction, I guess.”
“I can say, ‘Wow, that person is really attractive.’ I obviously find them really attractive, I think they’re really hot, but I don’t care after that, cause they could still be like a terrible person or have the worst personality ever, and that would make me not want to sleep with them because that totally turns me off,” she continued.
