Entering a monogamous relationship comes with a long list of conversations about boundaries. What counts as crossing a line? Is flirting with someone else harmless or hurtful? Should you tell your partner if someone asks you out? How do you navigate friendships with exes? Is watching porn or subscribing to OnlyFans acceptable within the relationship?
There’s no universal answer. Every couple gets to decide what commitment, intimacy and trust look like for them.
But couples today are facing a new question that wasn’t part of the conversation for most relationships formed before the rise of artificial intelligence: Where do AI companions fit into the boundaries of a romantic relationship?
AI companion apps, such as Joi AI, eva AI and Candy.ai, allow users to create digital partners they can chat with, confide in and build ongoing emotional connections with. While some people use them for entertainment, companionship or emotional support, others are forming relationships that can feel surprisingly intimate. Naturally this raises a complicated new question: Can an emotional connection with an AI bot be a form of infidelity?
For some couples, the answer has become personal. HuffPost spoke to people who discovered their partners were engaging with AI chatbots in ways they felt crossed a relationship boundary, as well as experts exploring how we should understand these new forms of connection. Note: Some names have been shortened or changed to protect privacy.
‘It felt like AI was stroking his ego.’
“My boyfriend and I were watching a movie, and then he went to take a phone call,” Olivia, 31, told HuffPost. “I clicked on his ChatGPT tab and found he had been using it extensively. It wasn’t just questions about our relationship or complaints about me, it got so personal. It felt like the AI was stroking his ego, and he was confiding emotional things to it that he hadn’t told me. We got into a huge argument about it.”
Anna, 42, had a similar experience after noticing a charge on the couple’s credit card that turned out to be for an AI dating companion.
“I asked my husband about it, and he didn’t see anything wrong with it. He even showed me the app,” she said. “I felt really weird about his ‘girlfriend’ on there and their chats, but he said it was all fake, so why would it matter? We haven’t talked about it again, but it keeps bothering me.”
For others, the idea of using AI romantically was enough to change how they viewed a potential partner.
“Last summer, I was dating a guy, and he told me that he used an AI dating companion to practice flirting,” said Kelly, 22. “It was an ick, and I didn’t continue things.”
It wasn’t just questions about our relationship or complaints about me, it got so personal. It felt like the AI was stroking his ego, and he was confiding emotional things to it that he hadn’t told me.
– Olivia
These experiences are becoming increasingly common as AI continues to creep into more personal areas of our lives. It’s not just handling our grocery list anymore.
According to LELO’s 2026 Futurist Report, 60% of people aged 18 to 45 have used AI in their intimate lives in some way, whether to plan a date, navigate an argument, draft a message or explore intimacy. Yep, we’re all firmly in a tech threesome at this point.
Why might someone use an AI chatbot while in a relationship?
Jaime Bronstein is a licensed clinical social worker and the resident relationship expert at Joi AI, an app that offers users AI companions ranging from virtual girlfriends to chatbot versions inspired by celebrities. The company bills itself as “the enemy of dating apps,” positioning AI companionship as an alternative to traditional dating.
Bronstein feels the appeal isn’t always about replacing a partner, but rather filling the inevitable gaps that exist in any relationship.
“With an AI companion, there’s a better sense of freedom to think out loud, vent about a bad day or rehearse a hard conversation before you have it for real, without dumping everything on a human partner who has limits,” Bronstein told HuffPost. “It can help people whose partners work late at night or live far away and aren’t as available to chat. It can be helpful to bridge the gap that our human relationships inevitably create.”
At a time when loneliness remains widespread, it’s easy to see why some people find comfort in an always-available companion that never gets tired, distracted or busy.
Amy Sutton, a relationship and trauma therapist at Freedom Counselling in the U.K., agrees there’s a place for AI companions, but says it’s important to understand what they’re replacing.
“No one partner can meet every need we have, and when we expect them to, we can become disappointed and frustrated,” Sutton told HuffPost. “We get different things from friends, family and our wider community. Now some people are getting a slice of that from AI, too.”
The bigger question, she said, is why someone is turning to an AI companion in the first place: “It’s worth asking yourself what’s underneath your use of these apps. Novelty? Validation? Somewhere to think out loud? Is that something you could get from real-life relationships? Are you missing out on growing closer to your partner by turning to AI for these needs?”
She also recommends paying attention to the moments you reach for AI.
“Is it after a [conflict] with your partner? When you’re lonely, bored or upset? If it’s becoming the place you go to soothe uncomfortable feelings rather than process them, notice that and consider how you could work with those emotions. If you just jump to AI for reassurance, it can end up papering over things that actually need working through with your partner.”
For John, 37, who lives four hours away from his girlfriend and sees her around once a month, an AI companion became a way to fill the space between visits.
Others are using AI to explore parts of themselves they don’t yet feel comfortable sharing with another person. According to Joi AI’s research, 61% of users say it’s easier to express sexual desire with AI than with another person, while 60% say AI has helped them discover sexual interests they didn’t know they had.
That was the case for Michael, 31. “Through porn, I realized I was interested in degradation and women dominating men,” he said. “I don’t want to ask my girlfriend because I’m worried she’d judge me, so I explore that with an app that knows my interests. I’m embarrassed to admit it to anyone in my life.”
Is this considered cheating and how can couples best set boundaries around it?
As with most relationship questions, there isn’t a universal answer. It comes down to the expectations and boundaries each couple has established, something Sutton said many partners never explicitly discuss.
“It depends on the boundaries a couple has actually set, not what has been assumed,” Sutton said. “Two people need to agree what flirting means to them and what’s acceptable within it, and that varies wildly between couples. Non-monogamous couples tend to have this conversation explicitly. Monogamous couples often skip it, assuming they’re already aligned. AI or not, the question is whether both partners understand and agree where the line sits in their relationship. If one partner would feel betrayed and the other hasn’t checked that, it’s likely to land as a breach of trust, whatever word you want to put on it.”
No one partner can meet every need we have, and when we expect them to, we can become disappointed and frustrated. We get different things from friends, family and our wider community. Now some people are getting a slice of that from AI, too.
– Amy Sutton, relationship and trauma therapist
Whether you see AI companions as harmless, helpful or a step too far, one thing is becoming increasingly clear: They deserve a place in the relationship boundaries conversation alongside flirting, porn, exes and social media. So, how should couples approach this tricky topic?
“Start with the boundary conversation you should be having anyway, then bring AI into it,” Sutton advised. “What does monogamy or non-monogamy actually mean to each of you? How do you each define flirting, emotional intimacy and secrecy? What’s acceptable, what isn’t and why?”
She also encourages couples to frequently revisit those conversations: “Keep checking in with each other, because boundaries that worked a year ago might not fit now, especially with technology moving this fast.”
Sabrina Zohar, dating coach and author of “Why Am I Like This?” believes that couples need to first get frank about their relationship, and this is the part no one wants to do.
“Nobody reaches for a bot because their relationship is thriving,” Zohar told HuffPost. “So before you set a single boundary, you have to figure out what need is going unmet, because the app is a symptom, not the problem. Is it attention, is it novelty, is it the chance to say something without being judged for it. That’s the real conversation, and most couples skip it because it’s uncomfortable as hell.”
She continued, “Once you know what’s underneath it, you can talk about what works for the two of you, because there’s no universal rule here. But the word that matters most is secret. The second it goes underground, you’re not dealing with an app anymore; you’re dealing with hiding, and hiding is what kills trust. If you’d delete the conversation before your partner walked in, that’s your answer about whether it belongs in the relationship.”
“Name the real risks out loud together,” Zohar said. “A bot never has a bad day and never needs anything from you, and real love does. If you start resenting your partner for being a full human next to something engineered to be endlessly agreeable, that’s a flag you can’t ignore. This pull toward something that never challenges us, and why we reach for it.”
Zohar reminds us, “The goal was never to police each other. It’s to make sure you’re still choosing each other on purpose.”
As AI becomes increasingly woven into everyday life and “Black Mirror” episodes come true, it’s worth sitting down with your partner to ensure you’re aligned in how they fit into your relationship.
