Every Christmas, many of us love curling up on the couch with a festive movie. And almost every festive movie follows the same pattern: couples getting together, breaking up and then reuniting, or falling for a very handsome Santa Claus.
But what if you’re coupled up and watching these romantic moments without your own S.O.? That’s right — some people are choosing to spend the holidays apart from their partners.
Cue the shock, horror and outrage. There’s a lot of stigma around spending the holidays away from your significant other. Those who do often face endless questions and judgment, with the assumption that they must not love their partner enough or that the relationship might be in trouble.
We spoke to nine couples — who used their first names to maintain their privacy, and who celebrate the holidays apart — as well as relationship experts, to find out whether it really is a problem to have one fewer stocking by the tree.
Here’s what they had to say.
“I adore spending Christmas Day with my family and can’t bear to miss out on that.”
Sophie is 28 years old and has been with her boyfriend for 8.5 years. They usually start Christmas Day together, but they have never finished it together.
“I always spend Christmas Eve with my partner, then travel early on Christmas Day to see my family on my own. I love being part of his Christmas, even in a small way, and seeing that side of his family, whom we rarely get to see. At the same time, I adore spending Christmas Day with my family and can’t bear to miss out on that.”
“People often comment that it’s ‘unfair’ I join his Christmas, and he doesn’t join mine, but he barely gets to see his family, while we visit mine far more often. His grandparents are getting older, and that time is precious, so I’m not going to get in the way of it.”
“We also spend New Year’s Eve separately, as we both have long-standing traditions with friends. We’re people who place real importance on all the relationships in our lives — not just our own. I’m often told this isn’t what couples should do, but we get to decide what works for us, and this does.”
Knight agrees with this sentiment and doesn’t believe in one-size-fits-all rules. “Couples should give themselves permission to celebrate in a way that works for them. The holidays don’t have to follow a script, and love doesn’t disappear just because you’re celebrating from different sofas.”
“My parents always hate my boyfriends.”
Unfortunately, the decision to spend the holidays apart isn’t always due to a positive situation, as 31-year-old Jas has learned. She has been with her current partner for three years and doesn’t bring him home with her for Christmas.
“I’ve never brought him for Christmas, but my parents did meet him once, and it didn’t go well. My parents always hate my boyfriends, as they think they don’t earn enough and can’t take care of me. I don’t want fights over Christmas, so we spend it separately, and I go for a walk on Christmas Day to call him. It’s just what it is.”
“My partner and I are both only children.”
At 33, Emma lives with her partner and spends nearly every day with him. They’ve been together for a decade, and yet, they’ve only ever spent one Christmas together.
“My partner and I are both only children, so spending time with our families at Christmas has always been incredibly important. We both know that if we’re not there, our parents would be on their own, and we couldn’t bear that,” she said.
“Especially since we moved in together, we don’t feel the need to spend every part of the holidays together. Being apart over Christmas isn’t a big deal when we live together and already share so much time. Instead, we have a slightly delayed Christmas dinner once we’re both home again.”
“For him, Christmas has never been a big deal.”
Many people assume couples who spend the holidays apart aren’t invested in the festivities — but 29-year-old Amy said that couldn’t be further from the truth. She’s been with her partner for two and a half years, and they plan to continue celebrating separate Christmases for the foreseeable future.
“I’m from the U.K., and my partner is from Costa Rica; we travel full-time as digital nomads,” she said. “We spent our first Christmas together, with a big group of friends, but for the past two years we have spent Christmas apart.”
“We’re people who place real importance on all the relationships in our lives — not just our own. I’m often told this isn’t what couples should do, but we get to decide what works for us, and this does.”
– Sophie, 28
“To be honest, it’s not been a hugely conscious decision, but one that just made sense for us,” Amy continued. “First, I love Christmas — I’d happily get the tree out mid-November and start watching Christmas movies as soon as Bonfire Night is over. For him, Christmas has never been a big deal.”
“Second, of course, we’re from different cultures and celebrate differently. For example, Christmas Eve is usually a bigger event for him, while in my family, Boxing Day is even bigger than Christmas Day. Third, there are the costs and logistics of flights, as the holidays are always the most expensive times to travel. We also travel with our cat, so we need to factor in who will look after him.”
“One year, I’d love him to experience a proper British Christmas, and I’d love to see the festive traditions in Costa Rica, but we also respect that Christmas is a time for family, so it’s OK to spend it with our loved ones, separately.”
“We’re so happy together. We just don’t need to spend Christmas together.”
For years, Lottie has chosen to work over Christmas, and she didn’t want that to change when she entered a new relationship. Now 30, she’s been with her boyfriend for three years and has never spent Christmas with him. In fact, she hasn’t spent Christmas with her own family in five years.
“I usually work over Christmas as it’s a hassle to get the days off, and honestly, I’m not fussed. I see my family a lot, so I’d rather let people without that privilege have the time. And I won’t lie — the higher pay is definitely an incentive,” she said. “I got together with my partner three years ago, and I asked if he minded me keeping this tradition. He actually enjoys spending that time with his family, so he’s not bothered. We’ve never spent a Christmas together, and that probably won’t change until we have kids — or unless I change jobs.”
“My family doesn’t mind, but I know his found it a bit strange at first. Some extended family members assume we’re not doing well, but we’re so happy together, we just don’t need to spend Christmas together.”
“When I first suggested spending the holidays apart, I think my partner was quite surprised and a little upset.”
Bex is 28 years old, and it’s her first Christmas since getting engaged, yet she and her fiancé will be spending it apart. People are confused about that, but not Bex. The decision was a simple one for her.
“When I first suggested spending the holidays apart, I think my partner was quite surprised and a little upset. However, I went on to explain that Christmas isn’t actually a huge deal to me, yet it is to my mum,” she said. “For 28 years, she’s made a huge amount of effort to make the festive season magical, and over time, the joy we felt as kids moved to the joy of her having a full house again. She lights up during this time of year. Sadly, this year, both my grandparents passed away, which will make this one even more difficult for my mum.”
“Christmas is a time for family, so it’s OK to spend it with our loved ones, separately.”
– Amy, 29
“Coinciding with this, it’s also the first year that my partner’s parents haven’t had my brother-in-law and sister-in-law at home for Christmas, as they have moved to New Zealand. It was important to me that everybody felt loved and that no one felt left out or alone. I spend nearly every day with my partner, and I want to build a life where we create our own traditions, whereas this is one that I want to honor with my mum.”
“When we tell people we plan to be apart, they seem surprised, so I explain two things to them. The first is that in the future, I want my children to follow by example, treating me as my partner and I treat our parents, paying back the love and care they poured into us. The older I get, the more I’m aware of how hard my mum has worked to make Christmas special. The second is that when life is magical with someone, a day apart isn’t the end of the world.”
We couldn’t agree more, as Bex and her fiancé have a whole life ahead of them, and one day a year doesn’t change that.
“For us, Christmas is spent apart as we aren’t out to our parents.”
Penny, who is being identified by a pseudonym to protect her privacy, is 33, and her girlfriend is 34. They’ve been together for five years, but their family has no idea. It’s giving the plot of ”Happiest Season,” but it’s a reality for many queer couples.
“For us, Christmas is spent apart as we aren’t out to our parents. We also find it difficult to navigate parents when this time of year is used as a sort of emotional blackmail to spend time with them. My partner thinks this would be the case for her, even if she was out to them and could tell them about our relationship.”
“Most friends get it, as it’s sort of old news by now. Some don’t get it and wonder why we don’t just come out to them, but I guess things are far more complex than that.”
Penny explains that she and her girlfriend stay close through calls, messaging and especially video calls.
Gibson agrees with staying digitally close, but has some sage advice for couples: “Regular video calls or text messages are a great foundation, but it’s important to be intentional with these moments. You should set aside time to fully focus on your partner, minimize distractions, and be present in the conversation instead of multitasking.”
“It’s a nice chance to spend time with the family.”
For Rosie, 29, the decision to spend Christmas separately is easy, but she’d never sacrifice New Year’s Eve with her partner of seven years.
“Most years, he’s an hour away with his family for Christmas Day, and every two years, he goes to his family in New Zealand. So we’ll be apart for a week and a half, then I’ll join him in NZ, and we’ll see each other for New Year’s. We’ve not had a Christmas Day together in our seven-year relationship. People are generally surprised that we don’t spend Christmas together. We just both have strong family celebrations that we don’t want to miss, and it’s a nice chance to spend time with the family. New Year’s we always do together, though, as that’s more of a couple thing, in my opinion.”
“We don’t spend lots of time with our families, as we live abroad.”
Laura is 29 years old and navigating the struggle of living far from her family in Amsterdam with her partner of seven years. In all that time, they’ve never spent Christmas together.
“We don’t spend lots of time with our families, as we live abroad, so Christmas feels like the best opportunity to be with our entire families. We often spend Christmas Eve and Day with our own families and meet up later.”
Laura explains that once they’re both back in their shared flat, they have their own Christmas dinner and exchange gifts, making sure to catch up on all the family drama that went down.
Do couples need to spend the holidays together?
“Despite what festive films and social media might suggest, spending Christmas together isn’t a relationship requirement,” Annabelle Knight, sex and relationships expert at Lovehoney, told HuffPost. “Healthy, happy couples come in all shapes — and that includes how they celebrate holidays. For some, Christmas together feels [cozy] and traditional; for others, it’s logistically tricky, emotionally loaded, or simply not how they want to spend the day. And that’s completely okay.”
Don’t be too shocked, but Knight suggests that a little physical distance over the holidays might indicate a strong couple, rather than one on the rocks.
“Being apart over the holidays doesn’t mean a couple is disconnected or drifting,” Knight said. “In fact, many strong relationships are built on flexibility and understanding. When partners feel secure, they can honor family commitments, work schedules, or personal needs without feeling guilty or judged. A relationship isn’t defined by matching festive plans, it’s defined by how supported you feel, even when you’re not in the same room.”
“A relationship isn’t defined by matching festive plans, it’s defined by how supported you feel, even when you’re not in the same room.”
– Annabelle Knight, sex and relationships expert at Lovehoney
But Thais Gibson, Ph.D., a relationship expert and founder of the Personal Development School, clarified that the decision must be made by both parties, and with equal input.
“A successful compromise leaves both partners feeling seen and satisfied. It has to be mutual. Compromise does not mean one person cedes their needs or desires to keep the peace; it’s a decision two people make together that honors both of their core needs. That can look like alternating holidays, splitting time intentionally, or creating new traditions as a couple.”
See that word? Intentionally. Yep, read it again.
How can couples stay close when spending the holidays apart?
Physical distance isn’t an issue, but emotional distance is. And just as you can share the same bed with someone but feel utterly alone, the opposite is also true. Once again, it’s all about being intentional — 2025 buzzword.
“Staying close while apart is all about being intentional,” Knight said. “That could mean scheduling a video call to exchange gifts, sending a cheeky voice note before Christmas lunch, or sharing photos of your day. Small moments of connection can be just as meaningful as being together in person.”
“It also helps to plan something to look forward to, whether that’s a post-Christmas date, a weekend away, or a ‘second Christmas’ of your own,” Knight added. “Keeping intimacy alive can be as simple as expressing affection, reassurance, and appreciation, or even sharing a flirty message or two once the family’s gone to bed.”
Personally, we vote for ranting about your family while you walk the dog, and dirty texts in bed.
Gibson urges couples who are apart during the holidays to truly dive into the topic of their separation. “You can deepen that sense of closeness by being vulnerable and sharing how the distance feels for you,” Gibson explained. “Practice moving beyond small talk and having emotionally meaningful conversations. This is really what will help maintain connection when you’re not physically together.”
She also has some fun and quirky ways for closing the gap: “If your budget allows, you might consider exchanging gifts or ordering meals to eat together over video chat. You could also take a moment to create a thoughtful e-card, stream a movie together, or play an online game. Small, intentional efforts can go a long way in helping you and your partner feel loved and prioritized.”
