Who Pays for What Traditionally?

There’s no denying it: Weddings are expensive. What adds to this financial burden is having to allocate funds and figure out who’s responsible for covering which expense. Traditionally, the bride’s family is expected to foot the majority of the bill. In our modern world, however, there isn’t any official rule that dictates exactly how couples should break down their wedding budget. Instead, three scenarios are most common today: The couple’s respective families evenly split the bill, both partners contribute a portion of their own money to cover the costs, or the couple pays for the entire party themselves. 

Of course, many couples still follow the classic division of wedding expenses, but for some, the traditional breakdown doesn’t reflect their unique relationship. LGBTQ+ couples, in particular, find that the age-old rule of having the bride’s family foot the bill doesn’t apply to them, so they often choose one of the above alternatives, instead. 

What’s becoming an increasingly popular route across the board for to-be-weds is opting to cover the costs themselves. Because couples are getting married later in life, many future newlyweds start planning their wedding when they’re already established in their careers, putting them in a financial position to pay for some—if not all—of the celebration. According to Alicia Fritz, the owner of A Day in May Events, many couples are using their hard-earned money to pay for their nuptials as a way to claim their independence. “For our clients, I am not seeing [this as] based on control of the day, but rather it’s the choice to invest more in areas or aspects of their day that mean more to them versus their parents,” Fritz says. In other cases, engaged duos might decide to take care of the funds themselves because it’s their second marriage or their parents can’t afford to financially contribute. 

Whichever distribution of funds you choose, before you begin assigning costs, the first step involves coming up with a general estimate of your total bill and how much money your families are willing and able to pay. “Building your wedding budget is one of the most important and difficult things to do, but taking the time at the forefront of planning can be one of your greatest aids along the way,” Fritz notes. “Budget conversations should begin at the same time that guest list and venue discussions begin.”

Whether you’re following traditional etiquette or you’re hoping to devise a breakdown that works best for you, we unpacked who traditionally pays for what in a wedding. Read on to find out how couples traditionally divvy up the total bill amongst themselves and their respective families.

The Bride’s Family

Traditionally, the bride’s family is responsible for covering most of the expenses associated with the wedding. This includes expected costs, like the bride’s dress; smaller big-day details, such as the invitations and cake; and big-ticket items, including the photographer and venue. 

Some modern couples still honor this traditional breakdown today, but others adopt their own approach, one that works better for their relationship or financial status. “While some couples do prefer to honor the tradition for which family pays for certain items, we open the discussion to our couples without the pressure of ‘following suit’ and what it means to follow tradition for tradition’s sake versus what the family is comfortable with,” Fritz points out. “Hosting weddings in the current times are much different than they were when traditions like payments were established.”

Wedding Expenses the Bride’s Family Is Traditionally Responsible For

Read on for a complete list of which wedding expenses the bride’s family is traditionally responsible for covering.

• Engagement party and other pre-wedding parties
• Ceremony and reception venue
• Wedding planner or coordinator
• Photography and videography
• Flowers and décor
• Wedding dress (including the veil and any accessories)
• Invitations and other stationery
• Transportation and accommodations for the bridesmaids
• Wedding cake
• Morning-after brunch

The Groom’s Family

Although the bride’s family traditionally covers most of the wedding expenses, the groom’s parents are still tasked with paying for a portion of the event. According to traditional etiquette, the main financial role of the groom’s family entails funding the rehearsal dinner, including the venue, food, drink, decorations, entertainment, and invitations. They’re also traditionally tasked with planning and paying for the honeymoon. The fee of the officiant’s services and the marriage license also falls in the parents of the groom’s laps.

Again, some couples and their families still adhere to this classic distribution to this day, but others decide to take a more collaborative approach among the guest of honor and both sets of parents. Although funding the honeymoon is traditionally the responsibility of the groom’s family, many to-be-weds in our modern age ask their guests to chip in through a honeymoon fund.

Wedding Expenses the Groom’s Family Is Traditionally Responsible For

Based on tradition, here are the series of costs that the groom’s parents typically invest in:

• Rehearsal dinner
• Officiant fee
• Marriage license
• Bride’s bouquet, boutonnieres, and corsages
• Transportation and accommodations for the groomsmen
• Reception music (DJ or band)
• Alcohol
• Honeymoon

The Bride

Speaking from a traditional standpoint, the bride is only responsible for covering the cost of the groom’s wedding band, her big-day glam, and any gifts she wants to give to those in her wedding party. For many brides, however, they decide to collaborate with their families to split the costs, everything from a coordinator to the décor.

To avoid any potential confusion or conflict, Fritz recommends that the bride discuss financial expectations with her family from the start of the planning process. “You cannot assume that because parents are gifting money that the financial contribution does not come with a stipulation,” Fritz warns. “It would be a shame to have hurt feelings or mixed messages if there was an expectation for ‘control,’ but it was never given.”

Wedding Expenses the Bride Is Traditionally Responsible For

For those following or curious about traditional wedding etiquette, these are the standard costs that the bride covers:

• Groom’s wedding band
• Wedding gifts for groom, bridesmaids, and parents
• Hair and makeup

The Groom

Based on the previously established precedent, the groom is responsible for purchasing the bride’s engagement ring and wedding band. If he chooses to buy his groomsmen, future wife, or parents a gift, he’ll also need to finance those mementos. Tradition also dictates that the groom is in charge of covering the cost of his attire—whether he’s buying or renting—but it’s not uncommon for the groom’s family to pitch in. Just like every other traditional financial duty we discussed above, the groom’s list of expenses might change, depending on the couple and the groom’s family.

Wedding Expenses the Groom Is Traditionally Responsible For

Here are the funds that the groom usually covers:

• Bride’s engagement ring and wedding band
• Groom’s attire
• Wedding gifts for bride, groomsmen, and parents
• Honeymoon (if not covered by the groom’s family)