I didn’t fall apart all at once — I slowly fell apart,
Everytime i put his comfort before my own pain,
Everytime i delete those long paragraphs just to
keep the peace that we both loved, but never
Lasted.
We tried until there was nothing left for ourselves.
Now ill wake up and my chest won’t feel heavy.
I won’t check my phone looking for his name, no
more replaying the fights trying to think where
did i become too much or too little. His name
won’t come up on my thoughts. Now i’ll pour
A cup of coffee and breath — im still here but not
the same.
Because somewhere along the way. I lost myself
while trying to hold on to him. I forgot how I
sound while i adjust the volume of my words for
his comfort. I forgot the empty space inside me
while i fill the empty space between us.
But now i see it
I have myself
Myself, who Stayed quite just to keep peace.
Myself, who gave to much just for him to hold on.
Im finally learning that healing just don’t mean
letting him go — it was finding the way back to
myself.
Finally realizing, it’s not love when i have to break the pieces that builds me.
When the peace finally visits me, I don’t need to
explain why i stayed or why i gave that much love
Because I’ll be too busy loving myself with the
same fire I once used to keep him warm — the
same love I gave freely to a man who never
noticed he was holding something sacred.
