Claudine, 60
With John there’s never any pressure, unlike in my old relationship
About five years ago I came out of a relationship of more than 30 years and really didn’t expect to meet anybody else. I tried internet dating, but felt like a dinosaur. It was so confusing – people would just say “Hi” and then not contact you for a week.
John kept popping up, and when we finally met, about two years ago, I thought, “Oh my God, he’s lovely. There was a real spark.”
I couldn’t believe I really fancied him – and that everything worked. When you haven’t had sex for a long time you think nothing will work anymore. I thought I was old and dried up, and then I found out I wasn’t at all. The sex was instantly very good. I walk around with the most ridiculous smile on my face. The joy is unbelievable.
In the beginning, we were having sex every day. It was so nice, though now we live together real life gets in the way. But as long as we’ve got time, we have sex, so it’s not for a lack of desire. We’re probably down to about once a week now. The big difference with John is that there’s never any pressure, unlike in my old relationship. The more pressure there is, the more it puts you off sex.
If we’re too tired to have sex at night, we’ll plan for a couple of hours in the middle of the day because we know that a quickie isn’t going to really do it for me, and John has amazing stamina. You feel like you’re in your 20s. The only difference is you’re knackered afterwards.
I’m sure we’re super vanilla in what we do – we’re not kinky. It’s just healthy, great sex. The big thing is that because we’re older we need a lot of time. In the beginning, we would go to bed at 11, and then still be up at three in the morning.
Being older, you know what you want and it’s not about just lust. It’s about a real, deeper connection.
John, 62
Claudine will say I have a very short memory, but each time is always the best
After separating from my wife 10 years ago, I started using the dating apps. It changed my life overnight, from feeling quite alone to being really excited for life and meeting new people. I had quite a lot of dates, and the majority of those ended up with sex of some description.
In all my relationships, sex has been very important. And with Claudine it’s really, really nice. She says I just have a very short memory, but each time is always the best. I suppose it’s because there seems to be an equal level of understanding, pleasure and communication.
We only ever have slow sex. And for that we need at least an hour. Finding that time isn’t as easy as when we first met. Then we were probably having at least one and sometimes two sex sessions a day, and walking around half dead due to lack of sleep. Now we are living together – and have been for a year – the frequency has reduced. The way we end most days is going to bed together, sometimes completely naked, sometimes with underwear on. Ordinarily she will have her back to me, I think it’s called spooning. There’s a lovely closeness in that.
One of the advantages of getting older is that I don’t come so quickly. When I was younger, I could never have spent this long in foreplay, being touched and caressed without coming. Instead of having maybe 15 minutes of pleasure – which it may have been in my previous relationships – it runs over an hour and it feels very exciting.
In fact, many of our lovemaking sessions won’t actually involve penetrative sex. And that’s OK too, it’s about building up to a crescendo.
