Sandra, 48
I never thought, when I was a pregnant Catholic teenager, that I’d have this lifestyle, but my God, it’s fun
After my first marriage ended 15 years ago, I felt as if I had a ton of catching up to do when it came to sexual experiences. I’d become a wife and mother in my late teens, and my first husband had been quite conservative, in bed and out. With three children at home, I only really had the bandwidth for casual encounters, so I began responding to Craigslist ads for no-strings-attached sex – until I spotted a more romantic post by Miguel during one late-night trawl, and impulsively hit “reply”. The first time I slept with him a fortnight later was a revelation; he was just so eager to learn what turned me on, and before long we’d become a couple.
When, a few months in, Miguel mentioned that he and his first wife used to swing, I was intrigued. With male partners, I’m quite submissive, but I’d always wondered what it would be like to consensually dominate a female partner. Both of us were eager to make that fantasy a reality, and began searching online for another duo who’d be keen to play into it. During our first tryst with a husband and wife, I really came alive being in control of her pleasure. After our guests left, Miguel and I had some of the best sex of our lives, giddy with the memory of what had just happened.
We’ve been together 14 years now, seven of them married, and our sex life is still thrilling, and still open. Our golden rule to prevent jealousy is that neither of us can sleep with a member of the opposite sex, though we’ve both experimented with same-sex partners, together and apart. The fact that Miguel is comfortable enough with his sexuality to be intimate with other men – that’s so hot to me. We still have sex together alone a couple of times a week, and it often begins with him telling me about what he got up to during a recent liaison.
Of course, there are days when I wonder, “What if he decides to leave me for a male partner?” but he always reassures me that’s an impossibility. I never thought, as a pregnant Catholic teenager, that I’d have this lifestyle, but my God, it’s fun – and whatever happens in the future, Lord knows I’ve definitely caught up when it comes to sexual experiences.
Miguel, 54
She can’t get enough of hearing about my hook-ups, and I can’t get enough of the fact that she can’t get enough
Nobody would guess that Sandra and I have an open relationship; we’re extremely private, and come across as quite traditional when you meet us, but our sex life is anything but. That’s in large part down to her ability to communicate so well. Although my first wife and I had tried swinging, it triggered quite a lot of insecurity between us, particularly because she and I were never fully certain of our limits. It takes a while to learn what you’re comfortable with in these scenarios. With Sandra, it’s been crystal clear from the beginning. I’m too jealous to see her with another man, and she’s too jealous to see me with another woman. Me with a man, and her with a woman, though? That’s just a massive turn-on.
Admittedly, I never thought I’d be having sex with other guys when all this began 14 years ago. After we’d tried out a few different configurations – including Sandra meeting female partners alone – the two of us began to discuss my sleeping with a male partner. Absurdly, that felt so much more taboo, but I had to admit that I was pretty curious. Sandra and I arranged to meet a guy we’d found online, and he and I fooled around while she looked on. It felt great, in the moment, but once he left, I remember being concerned that I’d become less of a “man” in her eyes, although Sandra insisted the opposite was true.
With her encouragement, I’ve become way more experimental in the years since; the idea of me cross-dressing and roleplaying as submissive to another guy drives her crazy. Now she jokes that I have better lingerie than she does: I’ve got a bunch of wigs, garter belts, masses of toys … She can’t get enough of hearing about my hook-ups, and I can’t get enough of the fact that she can’t get enough. It’s so bonding to have this dirty secret. Honestly, there are still times when I worry “Am I going to hell for this?” Like Sandra, I’m from a Catholic background, and still carry quite a lot of guilt about sex – but I’m way past being caring about what it means for us as a couple. Somehow our marriage just keeps getting better and stronger.
