Bea, 48
When I kissed him in front of Eric during a meet-up in a bar, the chemistry was pretty electric
Eric and I have been inseparable, and monogamous, for 30 years. Since my first pregnancy in my late 20s, my libido’s been much lower than Eric’s. But when I started perimenopause, I experienced this surge of desire (and curiosity) again, and he and I began to discuss our fantasies. Both of us were turned on by the idea of a threesome with another man, so a couple of years ago, I asked Eric if he’d be up for going to an “adult social club”. Neither of us were ready to have sex with anyone else, but it felt like the perfect chance to dip a toe into that world.
In the end, we were too nervous to even speak to anyone, but it did open a door in our minds, and our sex life got better and more intense as a result. Eventually, I downloaded Feeld, a dating app for “open-minded people”, and after a few meet-ups, including a night having sex in the same room as another couple, last summer we arranged an actual threesome. We started by going on dates with various prospects, one of whom, Drake, stood out. He was 40, single, had been a third in a couple before, and when I kissed him in front of Eric in a bar, the chemistry was pretty electric.
When making out progressed to sex, I felt empowered in a way I never have before. Afterwards, Eric and I were euphoric, but he struggled reliving certain memories in the days that followed. There were moments when he felt I’d been monopolised by Drake, which of course I felt guilty about. He’s been insistent on working through any jealousy, though, and we’ve seen Drake a dozen more times.
The experience has been transformative for me; I’ve never felt this confident, in bed or out. We’re running out of new things to try as a trio, and don’t want the novelty of our three-ways to wear off, so I’ve started to see Drake alone, too. Of course, I relay every detail to Eric, which is a real turn on for him, but can also be hard for him to process emotionally. The truth is, we’re still trying to figure out how to navigate everything as husband and wife, but when you’re as connected as we’ve become, anything’s possible.
Eric, 48
When Bea experienced this resurgence of desire I loved it
In certain ways, I feel as if our relationship has always been evolving towards this point. Communication hasn’t historically been our strongest suit, particularly when it comes to sex. My drive and curiosity definitely outstripped Bea’s for almost 20 years, and while I always respected her boundaries, sometimes I internalised her lack of libido as a form of rejection. So when Bea got this resurgence of desire a couple of years ago, I loved it. Suddenly, we reverted to having sex most days of the week, like when we first met, and acts that had become less common, such as her performing oral sex, became much more frequent and pleasurable for us both.
Still, we broached ethical non-monogamy with caution. After Bea first mentioned it, both of us did our research, including finding a couple’s therapist who specialised in open relationships. I’ve naturally hesitated at certain points, but after years of being more closed off, Bea and I are suddenly discussing sex more than ever. Because we’re so in sync, bringing in another person isn’t as emotionally complicated as you might think. After each threesome, Bea and I are both giddy. Drake and I are never physically involved with each other; it’s all about Bea, but I’ve realised that, for me, being able to participate in giving her orgasms is as good as having my own.
Having a third person in our relationship has naturally been hard on my self-esteem at times – particularly because it’s the same person consistently. That’s especially true now that Bea and Drake have met up a few times alone. At this point, I’ve reached the conclusion that I’m monogamous. Given the option of having sex with a stranger or having sex with Bea, I’d have sex with Bea, hands down, and it’s difficult to avoid a sense of competition with Drake. On a more mature level, though, I’m very conscious that Bea has never given me any reason to feel she prefers Drake. If I can make the person I love most in the world feel good, and experience pleasure vicariously in the process, why would I stand in the way of that?
