Valerie, 73
I’ve actually found that age has affected sex in a very positive way. Now I can have five orgasms in a row
I met Max in 1975 and in those early days sex was always romantic, with candlelight and incense. We realised then that sex was a big part of our lives, wherever we lived or whatever was going on.
As we’ve got older, a lot of our friends have stopped having any kind of intimacy. It really makes me sad. They’ll say things like, “I had so much sex when I was younger, I don’t need it now.” I think that’s a shame, because intimacy builds intimacy. So no matter what, sex has always been a priority for both of us. There have been times when we’ve had surgeries or illnesses, or after our kids were born, when we took a hiatus from sex, but that was fine because we knew we were both anxious to get back to it.
If there’s ever a time when we can’t be intimate, such as after Max had a knee operation, then we make sure to cuddle and kiss.
Of course growing old brings physical and mental changes, but I believe intimacy helps address those challenges. At our age, you don’t feel as attractive as you once were, but we’re both accepting of the changes that come with getting older. For us it’s a priority that we can still be intimate in the face of all that. We still dress up sometimes, and I’ll wear nice lingerie that I’ve had for years. We spend a lot of time cuddling, and if we don’t go to bed at the same time we’ll make sure to have a big kiss beforehand.
I’ve actually found that age has affected sex in a very positive way. I’ve become more orgasmic than ever. Now I can have five orgasms in a row because Max’s so keen on it happening. I read about multiple orgasms before and I never quite believed it, but I guess it exists – even at 70.
I just don’t want sex to end and for it to be the last time. I figured there’s got to be a last time for us, maybe in our 80s, even 90s if we get there, but I hope it won’t be for a long time. If something happened to Max tomorrow and he was gone, I don’t think I’d become intimate with someone else. I’ve had too many wonderful years.
Max, 73
If you really want to have good sex, make it so that your partner’s orgasm is the most important part
We met 50 years ago and there’s never been a time when we weren’t having sex – though of course the frequency has changed since our youth. We have sex about once a week, and I think that’s pretty good for 73.
Sometimes we joke about how we’d like to bottle our experience for our friends, because most of them don’t have sex any more. I want other elderly people to realise that age is not a barrier, and that if you do certain things to compensate for your age – such as lubrication – you can have a sex life way into your older years.
Over the years, I figured out that if you really want to have good sex, make it so that your partner’s orgasm is the most important part. About 20 years ago our sex evolved from intercourse to what we call “outercourse”. I was having a hard time maintaining an erection, which I don’t think is all that uncommon for men who are over 50. So then we moved to oral sex and it’s been fine ever since.
I would say that what we do now is better than the intercourse of our youth. There’s a slowness to it, a lot of touching, a lot of intimacy.
For us, sex is not a spontaneous thing. It’s usually Saturday night, which is our date night. It’s important that we kiss and snuggle, and we spend some serious time just getting hot before we start doing any touching. We’ll get to the ending where one person has this massive orgasm, and then we switch roles.
There are no perfect marriages. Like everyone, we have our little ups and downs, but we still know we are madly, crazy in love and that is critical to our sex life.
I believe great sex contributes to a great marriage, and vice versa. Of course, at our age we’ve got a few health issues going on, but our sex is better today than it was yesterday, and I expect it to be better next week.
