For many young people, the dating game has been nothing but a thankless task of endless swiping and ghosting, with little hope of finding love.
But as dating apps fall out of favour, and a relationship recession looms, young singles have discovered a new way to revive the dating scene: talking up their pals to strangers.
“Date My Mate” events involve pitching a friend to a room of singles, and are gaining momentum across England and Wales.
The night unfolds like a reality TV dating show. Participants are welcomed with a free drink token and a sticker which brands them as a “date” or “mate”. The “mates” have a loosely enforced three-minute time slot to hype their single friend using a presentation projected on a screen.
“We’ve hit a cultural nerve,” said Emily Churchill, who hosts the event in London. “Single people are sick of swiping, they want real human connection.”
It started as a one-off for Valentine’s Day earlier this year, selling out in less than 48 hours. Churchill decided to make it a recurring series – now tickets sell out within five minutes.
At an event in Fulham this week, Will Palumbo, 28, came as a single spectator but was surprised by his mate Will Ainsley, 27, who brought him to the front as a pitch.
“We’d seen it on social media. I was told we were going to a singles event just to watch, and then I got pulled to the front,” said Palumbo.
Bruna Dalla-Vecchia, 26, is wearing a “date” sticker. She said she is sick of the apps.
“It’s the saturation of the market,” she said. “There’s far too many people, there’s the illusion of choice. They get you to go and pay your premium memberships and you don’t really make any meaningful connections.”
According to a report published by Ofcom in 2024, the number of people using the top 10 most popular dating apps had declined by 16% since the previous year, and research shows that instead of aiding the search for love, dating apps are designed to be addictive.
But Dalla-Vecchia said she is usually “far too shy” to approach anyone in person. “You never know if they’re taken or not,” she said. “This is a good way of being a bit playful about it and taking the stress out of it.”
Photograph: Christian Sinibaldi/The Guardian
Although the aim of the event is to combat app fatigue, the presentations look a lot like online profiles, listing attributes including height, profession, “red flags”and “green flags”.
Some presentations veer on humiliation rituals. Palumbo’s mates have included a slide of his embarrassing tweets from 2018 and video of his mum who described him as “kind, funny and fiercely loyal, much like a human labrador”.
“I hope my efforts at presenting have sold Will quite well,” said Ainsley with a smile.
The format offers a fun alternative to traditional singles mixers. “The dating event structure of going to speed dating is just so intense,” said Sophie Lord, who hosts an LGBTQIA+ Date My Mate event in Cardiff.
“It’s really fun to go to regardless of whether you meet someone, instead of feeling like you’re in an interview with people.”
At the Fulham event, the gender ratio is evenly split, but Churchill said that more single women sign up than men.
To get around the issue, tickets are set aside for male applications, who are often scouted to take part – one of the pitchers was approached at a pub he works at nearby.
The gender disparity is a mirror of the online dating world, where men are represented more than women.
James Tyler, who runs the event alongside Churchill, guesses that men are more reluctant to come particularly when the onus is on your friend to paint you in a good light.
“The men’s ones are more like best man’s speeches, which are basically 90% ripping into them and then 10% ‘but actually he’s a really good man,’” said Tyler.
Eventually, Churchill hopes to include other demographics of singletons. “We’ve got plans to do ‘Pitch Your Parent’, where we’re going to get kids of single adults to pitch their parent to a room full of over-45s,” she said.
By the end of the night, wine glasses were emptied and phone numbers had been exchanged.
“My friend is currently outside chatting to a guy who came up after my presentation asking for her number and he is exactly her type,” said Tom Schilling, 26, who successfully pitched his friend and met a couple of potential matches himself.
“When it comes to their wedding, I will replay the presentation,” he said. “And I look forward to my two dates in the near future.”
Dalla-Vecchia didn’t find a match but she said she is still hopeful about her dating prospects.
“We’re still young,” she said. “And things like this are popping up all over the place. It’s a fun and natural way of meeting someone rather than looking through a couple of very selected photos through a screen.”
