There could have been thousands of words and hundreds of letters I would have loved to send you since the moment you left me.
But I was struggling to find the words.
Struggling to understand something that wasn’t just felt but it almost broke me.
No matter what I did, no matter how many steps I took…
You were always with me.
You were with me in the park while I was reading.
You were with me in the gym while I was pushing myself.
You were with me every single day, every single step, every single minute.
And while it might feel like you left me physically, I still felt you.
Not your ghost but You.
I felt the Wind and hoped it had touched you first, and then travelled to me.
I looked at the Sun and hoped you were looking at it too.
I looked at the Moon and gave thanks, knowing that this at least was something we can still share.
I tried my best to accept your decision.
I’ve been angry.
I’ve been broken.
And yet – no matter what I’ve done – I always arrived at the same conclusion:
I love you.
I always did.
I’ve never believed in anything as much as I believe in You.
And in us.
I don’t know what the future holds.
But I do know this:
If I can pour an immense amount of energy into trying to forget you, and still end up loving you – Then none of this can be a coincidence.
This was never just about emotions.
It never was.
It’s a connection that feels like it was built long before this lifetime.
I think I’ve already admitted everything I needed to about the past.
And I no longer want to live there.
I no longer want to remember how it felt to speak to you for the first time when you suggested we go to Málaga.
I no longer want to remember what it felt like to see you at the airport…to walk beside you, our elbows slowly touching, to finally hug you, kiss you, and hold you fully.
I no longer want to remember when you told me our relationship was your highest priority.
Or when you told me you were never going to leave me.
I no longer want to remember how it felt when you surprised me at my door in Madrid.
Or how I wept while telling you that You are everything to me in this world.
I don’t want to remember, not because of pain or because I truly want to forget.
But because…
I want us to create new memories.
Not just memories – a life.
A life we both desire.
A life we both deserve.
I want to be by your side as we build a family.
I want to be by your side as you become the woman you were always meant to be – while I continue becoming the man I’m meant to become as well.
I want to love you.
And I want you to love me.
I want to share everything with you.
All the way until my last breath.
So tell me, my Love…
If none of this was able to break me…
What are the chances that this was never true? That it was never meant to be?
I love You.
I always did.
And I always will.
