We started this relationship with different purposes and I didn’t realize it when I accepted you into my life. Our small talks turned into sharing stories about life, and turned into being each other’s solace when needed. Once platonic slowly blooming and soon enough, we fell for each other and took our relationship further. I didn’t have much experience on being in a relationship with someone, but you told me that it is going to be fine and we will learn as we go.
What I am not prepared was that you took our relationship seriously while I’m still trying to figure out what and how this works.
Days turned into months, months turned into years. You brought the topic of forever to our table, I couldn’t answer it. You tried to convince me, I stepped back.
You were down on your knees, I shook my head and dropped your heart.
I didn’t know what makes me a coward when all I see is us in the future, building a family that we always hope. I didn’t know what makes me scared when I know you won’t leave me confused and alone.
I’m just not ready for it, and I guess I will never be ready for it.
You asked me why, I couldn’t give you reasons. I saw how shattered your heart right behind your eyes, and all I could said was an apology that could never be accepted.
You asked me why for the second time, I told you I can’t and that’s all. I don’t even know the answer until now.
You left and I didn’t stop you from leaving when my heart is screaming and begging for my legs to chase you.
I let you down, I let our dreams shattered, I let my fear wins.
So I watch you go, I let you go, because I know that you deserve better, more than a person who couldn’t share the future with you.
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written by lune.
