I love you unconditionally.
I had a billion thoughts after you left. After all, my mind only goes silent when you are around. You are everything, my everything. I lived twenty-two years without you and I was lost; I found myself in the time you were with me, and now I am lost again, standing before the same doors, unsure which one was ever meant for me.
There was no reason for me to love you this much. There is still none. I have simply found a connection, and it kept growing, burrowing through my heart, until it left a space I no longer know how to fill. I wanted to write and write and write, but each sentence arrived like a witness without testimony. It never made sense.
It does not make sense. I know this. It does not fit neatly into the drawers where ordinary feelings are kept. It arrives without appointment, refuses to leave, and sits at the center of my life like a question no one is brave enough to answer.
I love you, dear light, and even if I ever say I do not, then I am nothing but a liar being questioned by a truth he cannot escape.
We need each other. As much as I try to tell myself we do not, so that life might push away what I feel for you, it is not true. We do need each other. We live on the extremes of life, and somehow we find balance in each other. You placed a mirror before me, as I did before you, and it revealed the worst parts of me. So please, darling, hold my hand while I look at myself and heal from these parts. Is this not what love is?
Does love not reveal the worst in us? Does love not ask us to heal together?
Oh dear light, there was no condition for me to love you. You are my priority, my partner in life, my everything. And this is not me depending on you in order to exist. I have managed to be here on my own. I know I can stand, breathe, and continue. But I simply do not wish to continue in a world where I must pretend your absence is ordinary.
Oh, my dearest light. I love you. I do not think that will ever stop. The more I am distanced from you, the more I miss you. The more I am alone, the more clearly I understand that I wish to be with you.
I do not care, my love, what hides within you that is dark. Put up the walls. Push me away. Invent every law against me if you must. I do not care what frightens you about yourself, because I am not afraid. Take my love. I ask for nothing in return, except the right to remain honest before it.
Oh dearest light, I love you. So much.
No questions. No conditions.
Just you.
