How to Use Unity Candles in Your Wedding Ceremony

Whether it’s a special reading or a significant music choice, there are endless ways to make your wedding ceremony feel more personal and representative of your relationship. One option, in particular, that is guaranteed to create a more meaningful experience for you and your guests is a unity ceremony. To simply break it down, a unity candle lighting ceremony is a symbolic ritual that takes place after the vow exchange, when the to-be-weds light one main candle with two separate candles, representing the merging of two families and two individuals.

If you’re thinking about incorporating unity candles into your wedding ceremony, we’ve created a comprehensive guide for you to follow. Read on to learn more about making this meaningful ritual part of your big day.

The History of Unity Candles

Although the exact origin of unity candles is unknown, the ritual is a relatively new trend—it’s said that the custom first became mainstream in the 1970s. Lighting unity candles initially began as a Christian tradition, given the significance of flames in the Bible, but it quickly spread to other types of American weddings. In 1981, an episode of General Hospital featured unity candles, which might have played a role in popularizing the practice. 

A Breakdown of the Unity Candle Lighting Ceremony

In order to pull off the unity candle lighting ceremony, you’ll first need three different candles. The one in the middle, the unity candle, is often a pillar candle, and the two accompanying candles on either side are taper candles, according to planner Melissa Williams of B Astonished Events. While the customary option is a white or ivory hue, some couples choose to personalize their candles for a unique touch. For instance, officiant Robyn Walker explains that you can engrave your set with your name, your wedding date, or even a quote. You can also choose a pattern or design that matches your aesthetic, from glamorous to romantic. For the cherry on top, Walker suggests choosing candle holders, ribbons, and other accessories that match the tone of your celebration.

As for the ceremony itself, after you exchange vows, your officiant will kick off the unity candle-lighting ceremony by introducing the ritual and explaining the symbolism behind it. Then, a parent on your and your partner’s side (usually the mother) will light the two taper candles, which represent the two of you and your respective families. You and your significant other will take the taper candle that your parents just lit and use it to illuminate the middle candle, the unity candle, as a way to symbolize your joint union and your families coming together. 

How to Select the Right Unity Candles for Your Ceremony

With an array of options on the market, choosing the perfect unity candle for your wedding ceremony can feel daunting. Here are a few expert-approved tips to make the selection process more manageable.

Coordinate With Your Aesthetic

Picking out a unity candle that matches your overall aesthetic will help create a more cohesive look and feel for your ceremony. If you’re hosting your service on the beach, for instance, a coral-colored item surrounded by seashells and pebbles will channel the setting. For vintage soirées, consider using a family heirloom passed down from your great-grandmother. 

Choose a Durable Option

While taking the aesthetic into consideration helps personalize your affair, prioritizing durability is non-negotiable. Walker encourages you to pick out a strong base or candle holder, one that actually fits your unity candle. “The last thing you want is for your symbol of unity to take a tumble mid-ceremony,” she warns. 

Consider the Climate

If you’re hosting your wedding ceremony in the great outdoors, you’ll want to take note of the weather. Windy or rainy conditions have the potential to extinguish your flame, which will defeat the purpose of the ritual. To avoid this possible dilemma, Williams recommends buying hurricane glasses that cover your unity candle and extend above the flame. 

Shop the Right Stores

Wondering where to find a unity candle for this special custom? Walker advises perusing Etsy and Zazzle. “They both offer a wide range of designs and customization options, as well as prices to fit any budget,” she notes. If you’re pressed for time, you can also order yours on Amazon. Another option is checking out your local Michaels or Hobby Lobby—just note that the selection might be more limited.

Tips for Using Unity Candles in Your Ceremony

Now that you have an idea of what the process will look like, here are some tips to keep in mind, so the ritual is a success.

Choose the Right Family Member

Couples traditionally assign the role of the taper candle lighter to each mother, but some also ask their fathers, siblings, or children to do the honors. No matter who you choose, planners Jessica and Dustin Rolph of 3 Little Birds Event Planning suggest selecting a family member with whom you have a close relationship and someone whom you want to include in your ceremony.

Notify Your Vendors

If including unity candles in your ceremony is a practice you want to follow, make sure you tell your wedding planner and officiant, Williams advises. Not only is it important that both of these vendors know what to expect during your ceremony, but it’s also an opportunity for you to talk through ideas and logistics. Let each of them know how you envision the ritual and which family member will be lighting the taper candles.

Add Finishing Touches

To make the unity candle lighting ceremony feel more special, add finishing touches. This could be a meaningful song you play while lighting your candle, according to Jessica and Dustin. Perhaps the ritual is a long-standing tradition in your family or candles are a focal point of your wedding design. If so, have your officiant expand upon the significance in their script.

Alternatives to Unity Candles

Lighting a unity candle is just one way to symbolize your union. There are many other alternatives that communicate the same message, some of which we explore below. 

Handfasting Ceremony

A similar alternative is a handfasting ceremony, which derives from an ancient Celtic tradition. During this ritual, your officiant will explain the meaning of the practice before inviting you and your partner to join hands, signifying your free will to marry. Then, your officiant will recite vows while wrapping cords around your hands—either a separate cord for each vow or a handful of cords at one time. As you literally tie the knot, this ceremony illustrates your commitment to one another.

Sand Ceremony

If you have a blended family or you’re throwing a nautical or beach wedding, a sand ceremony is a sound choice. To execute this, you and your partner will pour colored sand from your own vase into a third vase, and the blending of the sand will exemplify the two of you becoming one.

Lasso Ceremony

The wedding lasso ceremony is a popular wedding tradition for Catholic Latinx and Filipino cultures. In this ceremony, your officiant or your godparents will place a lasso or rope over both of your shoulders, embodying your commitment to one another and your eternal union in the eyes of God.