For Those Who Underestimated the Cost to Cross Me
Title inspired by the BigXthaPlug track featuring Ella Langley
My niece followed me around all morning, offering unwelcome commentary as I got dressed.
Are you gonna wear that skirt? With those boots? Why?!
Ew, that sweater looks weird. Why are you wearing that jacket?
In the car on the way back to her mother, the critique continued.
What are we listening to, TT? Geez, how old are you? Ninety-nine? No, one hundred!
I’d finally had enough.
When I die, I’m gonna haunt the shit out of you. Every time something bad happens, just know it’s me. Karma’s a b.
I told y’all I let revenge be the work of the Lord. And I meant it. But sometimes, I be cheering Him on.
Did you hear what that bitch said to me?
Did you see how he treated me?
Get ’em, God!
In the wake of my divorce, God revealed something I’d considered briefly:
I’d been blocking karma for other people.
Especially my ex.
Him getting his would’ve taken me down with him.
That’s why God told me to leave and to stand firm in my choice.
If a friend was in trouble, I’d help.
If my ex was in trouble, I’d help too. Because I hate to see people hurting.
But every time I stepped in, I stood in the way of the lesson they were meant to learn.
They didn’t know I was doing it.
Hell, I didn’t know I was doing it. I was just being me.
But expectation is the thief of appreciation.
People around me benefitted from my presence, and the apathy set in.
I was taken for granted.
And then I was mistreated.
But they had a choice.
They didn’t have to misuse me.
They didn’t have to abuse me.
Every wound was a decision, conscious or not.
And now that I’m out of the way, the universe can finally do its job and deliver justice.
Karma.
For the former friends who mistook my kindness for weakness, I hope you never offload the weight of my absence.
One of y’all once told me I was the best person you’d ever known…then turned around and treated me like trash.
And you know what? You were right.
I am the best person you’ve ever known.
Now I’m the best person you’ve ever lost.
And you will never replace me.
Karma.
For those who thought I was naïve or stupid because I didn’t call you on your bullshit…
I saw it.
My silence was a gift. I left space for you to be who you are, hoping you’d rise to the occasion.
As my parents liked to say when we were growing up, I gave you enough rope to hang yourselves.
And boy, did you.
You didn’t get anything over on me.
But more importantly, you didn’t get anything over on God.
And that’s who you’ll be reporting to now.
Karma.
For the ones who treated me like your own personal rabbit’s foot, calling on me to fix your shit and then acting like I was invisible…
Your days of using my magic are over.
I hope you got wherever you needed to go.
I don’t see you as enemies but we damn sure ain’t friends.
You’ve gotten as far as you’ll get off my back.
Karma.
To the nutty professor whose ignorance slapped Borderline Personality Disorder on my chart…
That’s a diagnosis you didn’t earn the right to give.
To the doctors who told me I needed a psych eval simply for describing my symptoms.
To the ones who dismissed my pain, flirted with condescension, and suggested I must “like coming in” because I kept returning with the same unresolved suffering.
Let me be clear:
If I never see another doctor again, it’ll be too soon.
You played with my health like it wasn’t attached to a whole human being.
You treated my pain like an inconvenience.
My body paid for your arrogance.
But your conscience and your practice is between you and God now.
Karma.
For the “family” who excluded me, mocked me, criticized me, threatened me, and abandoned me when I needed you most…
Know this: every mountain I climb and every success I achieve is in spite of you.
You didn’t build me.
You don’t get to claim me.
You hold no ownership over anything I have or will accomplish.
And I hope for your sake you never find yourselves needing my help.
Because you’ll be waiting forever
just like I waited for someone to show up for me.
Karma.
If my children continue to engage with you, know that it’s a testament to my parenting, not your character.
You don’t deserve to breathe the same air as them.
And you certainly don’t deserve to breathe the same air as me.
Any attempt to use them to get to me will be met with the swiftest justice you’ve ever seen.
Karma.
To the workplace bullies who ignored the fact that I did twice the work of everyone around me…
who passed me over for promotions I clearly deserved…
who upgraded my job title the moment I left…
who treated me so poorly I had no choice but to walk away
I hope my name echoes in those halls forever.
A former community partner told me,
“No one can replace you. Things just aren’t getting done.”
I bet.
Karma.
To the woman, or women, who distracted my ex-husband long enough for me to realize I deserved better…
You’re already getting your karma.
Because you didn’t take the love of my life.
You took my problem.
The love of my life is still on the way.
And from what God has told me, he’s so loyal this won’t even be a concern.
You are nothing but a broke-off version of me.
But you can’t be me because you’re not strong enough to live through what I’ve survived.
You are a home-wrecking hussy.
And I guarantee you’ve already discovered he ain’t gon’ do nothing but hurt your feelings.
Karma.
To my ex-husband…
You had a choice every day to treat me with kindness and handle me with care.
And you chose otherwise. You chose wrong.
You thought I was stupid.
You thought I was a sheep.
You remember that Lady A song I love — Army?
I told you it was a love song, but it wasn’t.
Listen to the words again.
It’s an ode to a strong woman.
A woman like me.
I was the soft place for you to land, and you trampled on me.
I was the wind beneath your wings, helping you shine
And you flew too close to the sun and got blinded by your own ego.
You were nothing but a soldier.
I’m a whole fucking Army.
That’s what you had behind you.
And now…
That’s what you have against you.
Karma.
Hell at night belongs to those who’ve earned it.
I’m finally sleeping in peace.
