My heart hurts, it feels like its been ripped out of my chest, it’s different than any other time it feels like I physically can’t breathe. It’s like a part of my life has been taken away from me, the carpet has been swept from under my feet.
I have felt heartbreak before but nothing like this, when you truly love someone watching them walk away is a pain I can’t even explain.
Everything reminds me of him, my apartment, the shops we have been to, movies, songs the lot. You never realise how much a person has made an impact on your life until they are no longer there.
I haven’t slept properly for days and I’m barely eating the whole world feels heavy like its closing in and there’s no way to escape and will make this feeling go away.
I’m watching sad films, listening to breakup songs and literally drowning in my own sadness. The breakup is even harder knowing it wasn’t anything to do with me or him. We are just two people who were the right people at the wrong time.
I’ve always said our story is like the film the notebook, with Noah and Allie. Where Noah instantly felt this need and attraction towards Allie and felt chemistry like no other. The feeling was electric like some sort of drug that you can’t get enough of. From that moment I needed and wanted to spend more time with him. We were both two people who ended up being in a place where we didn’t plan on going at the same time instantly drawn to each other the minute we entered the venue.
He was the male version of me we love the same music, enjoy the same films and love the same food it was honestly like he was the perfect missing piece to my puzzle.
Now I don’t have him in my life it feels empty, the apartment no longer feels like home. My bed feels different now your no longer in it. I’m finding myself checking my phone all the time to see if you have text or tried to call. The future I once dreamed of looks different now, the plans we made have all gone and it kills me to know you’re no longer mine.
I know it all sounds crazy, I’m 32 with the whole world still at my feet and I know everyone will have the mentality of ‘you will be fine, you were fine before him and you will be fine after him he’s just a guy’ I hate comments like that. It doesn’t help as much as I know people are only trying to help and support me. I can’t help hoping that one day we will come back to each other, that this is all just a matter of time.
I stopped believing in love around 8 years ago, I always thought I would make life on my own I don’t need anyone I could happily go the rest of my life ‘male free’ and I was happy with that until I met you and you changed everything.
To be continued…..
