I had a dream about you last night. It was brief, just like my longing to have you back. I saw your full name in my WhatsApp status. You updated one status, and when I clicked to read it, I couldn’t see a thing. I was so confused after that because I had deleted your number too. Before you left, you told me you’d delete my number and block me. It took me a while to come to terms with the fact that we would never be back together. I know you, and I know how much ego you have. I know you’d want to reach out, but for the sake of your ego, you won’t. So I saved your number in my phone for 12 days before I finally decided to delete it.
I reached out to you via email and through my other number a week after we broke it off. But your response showed no sign of you wanting to come back. To let go and move on, you have to truly let go and move on. I know that with you, you actually cut off, let go, and move on the same day. I admire that about you. I wish I was as strong as you. I wish I had that strength. I wish I was like that. It’s tough for me, and it still is. In the first few days, I thought writing about how I felt would make you come back, but I now realize that it will never bring you back. So I am writing for myself. I don’t hope you’ll come back; I just hope I recover from this short illness and fulfill my purpose in life.
Anyways, back to the dream. I was confused about how your number was saved in my contacts when I had deleted it. I was also confused about how you blocked me, and now you’re back just like that. I didn’t grasp the details of how that happened. When I woke up from that dream, I didn’t feel any ache or emptiness in my chest. I felt so tired, sleepy, and my body was in pain.
I closed my eyes and slept for a few more minutes, thinking about the dream. I thought about how strong your skin felt against mine. I thought about your body hair and how beautiful the texture is against my skin. I pondered your body against mine, the warmth of your presence, and the comfort and safety I feel around you. I thought about making love to you, looking into your eyes, and telling you how much I love you. I thought about cherishing every part of your existence and never getting tired of it. But most of all, I felt your warmth in my bed for that brief moment.
I was making love to your ghost and appreciating our memories together when I woke up and told myself that I would need to get used to your absence. I would need to learn to live without you for a while, because it would be forever without you.
