If our thoughts make us who we are, then it’s important to clear them from foreign influences in order to become ourselves. We need not to let external noise drown out our own thoughts and feelings. To truly become ourselves, we need to learn to distinguish our own beliefs from those that were imposed from outside. This means accepting our imperfections and our uniqueness, without trying to fit someone else’s standards.
Inside us there are dozens of voices: of parents, society, teachers, cultural expectations, fears. We often don’t notice that we live out of fear of not being understood or accepted as we are. Fear, once planted in us, has enormous power over our decisions and prevents us from making the choice that is truly ours. In this way we miss opportunities and people. And everything that is born out of fear is not ours.
How often have these things happened to us or to people we know?
- Out of fear of not being chosen, we make ourselves convenient.
- Out of fear of not achieving more, we settle for less.
- Out of fear of our own ambition and judgement, we make ourselves smaller and “safer”.
- Out of fear of loneliness, we stay where there is no love.
- Out of fear of our own inner emptiness, we fill life with random people.
- Out of fear of not being enough, we create meaningless connections just to feel valuable.
- Out of fear of pain, we treat love and intimacy as danger.
And none of this is really about us.
All of this was born when we were not heard, not accepted, not chosen. When our inner child was waiting and never received what it was waiting for. From that wound, an emptiness appears and, as the saying goes, Nature abhors a vacuum, and it begins to fill up with foreign beliefs, the voices of parents, childhood ridicule, the strict tone of a teacher, other people’s opinions, first unrequited love, first betrayals. And all this keeps controlling our reactions, our relationships and our choices.
How many times have we asked ourselves:
“Is this really what I want? Is this really my path? Are the people I choose with my heart actually by my side? Or are the people I choose with my heart not beside me because of some kind of fear?”
Only by realizing this сan we return to who we truly are. And only in silence, alone with our thoughts, can we hear our own voice.
I know many people who are never alone, hiding behind busy lives, social activity, being super friendly, always around others. But often, behind this, there is simply the fear of being alone with their own thoughts and having to face themselves. They are so used to living in a mask that has grown into their skin that they have forgotten who they are.
And if you don’t know yourself, how can you step onto your own path?
I believe that awareness is an act of self-acceptance. And the deeper we accept ourselves, the clearer it becomes: in silence we don’t meet emptiness, we meet our own self.
“We are what we think”
Thoughts create actions, actions create habits, and habits become our life.
The problem is that not all the thoughts living inside us actually belong to us; some come from our own experience, others from the experience of others, and some from words we once accepted as truth. And so it turns out that not all of our actions reflect our true desires.
To step onto our own path, we need to learn to distinguish our thoughts from those of others, clearing our mind from limitations and prejudice.
I don’t claim to write expert articles or to be another guru :). Everything here has been said hundreds of times already. I simply want to add my small part to what so many people are trying to do, to remind us that our inner world is as important as the outer one, to speak out loud about what most people carry in silence, and to spread the importance of understanding ourselves, taking care of the body, mental health and to share the path I’ve been on for many years, a path I’ll keep learning from throughout my life.
What helped me come to the awareness of the importance of thoughts and physical practice?
My body. The body never lies. It’s the first to react when we are going in the wrong direction or with the wrong people. The body recognises what is “ours” without words. It knows everything before the mind does.
Sometimes a single touch says more than hundreds of conversations: the skin that responds instantly, the warmth that cannot be confused with anything else, the feeling of inner calm and comfort in shared silence.
Think about it, has there been someone in your life you could simply meet, be with in silence and feel completely at peace without needing to think or talk about anything? If yes, then you know this feeling. If not, I sincerely wish you to meet such a person one day and never let them go because of fear.
When such a connection is lost because of hesitation, we lose not only a person, but also the ability to feel alive and to be ourselves in that space where the body speaks more honestly than the mind.
Or the opposite, you meet hundreds of people, and the body is silent. No inner response, no movement. Or you even feel a persistent inner “no”, although this person has done nothing wrong to you. Many of us have had this moment and couldn’t explain it, right? It’s sad when we ignore these signals of the body and stay where it’s comfortable, safe, not painful, but not true.
And when we keep ignoring such signals, the body starts speaking louder- through subtle discomfort, anxiety, insomnia, inner and physical tension.
Constantly tense shoulders, neck pain, anxiety “for no reason”, frequent awakenings – all of these are the first signals from the body.
My body spoke to me like this for years, and I’m still working with some of these symptoms. My path from self-analysis to practice, from psychologist to yoga, from sport to relaxation, helped me understand that the body always speaks first.
To finish, I will share what helps me.
Working with beliefs
Simple and, at first glance, very basic actions, but they work. The point is to find out where these beliefs came from (family values, parents, relatives, life experience or society, etc.)
Take a moment to write down the beliefs or phrases that most often appear in your mind. Next to each phrase, try to remember whose words are these? When did I first hear this? Is it really mine or did it come from outside?
Then rewrite each belief in a positive way and add an explanation/proof of why the old version is not true.
Thank each belief and let it go.
examples :
- Men/women are all the same, you cannot trust anyone, everyone cheats -Men and women are all different. There are people who don’t cheat and stay loyal to themselves and their choices. A few bad experiences cannot describe 8 billion people on the planet.
- Life is hard- Life is beautiful. It’s honest and it gives back what I put into it. My thoughts create my reality.
- Happiness loves silence- Happiness loves attention. When shared, it grows.
- I won’t succeed- I can succeed, I can learn. If others can do it, so can I.
Each of us has our own list of beliefs , those that seemed absolutely true for years. Simply recognising this list is already the first step toward change. When our way of thinking changes, our behaviour changes, and with it our whole life.
The comfort zone, where everything is predictable and safe, and where limiting beliefs live, doesn’t allow us to find out what lies beyond it. How many opportunities do we miss just because we keep looking at life through the lens of these beliefs?
We rarely manage to get rid of them all at once. It’s a daily work with our thoughts that, in the end, brings results, like everything else we invest effort into.
Working with the breath
I never get tired of talking about it. Many of my panic attacks were the result of shallow breathing.
I first found out that I didn’t know how to breathe properly from my psychologist. After I told her about my problems, the first thing she asked me to do was to light a candle, hold it at arm’s length and try to blow it out. I was quite sceptical about this exercise, and I had no idea that I wouldn’t be able to blow the candle out.
Later, the topic of breathing became a central idea during my yoga training. Of course, I still have anxiety sometimes, but now it happens much less often and doesn’t last as long.
What helped me personally and what I use when anxiety suddenly comes is deep diaphragmatic breathing.
Lie on your back and slightly bend your knees. Place one hand on your stomach, the other on your chest. For those who find it easier, you can put a book on your stomach to feel how it rises on the inhale and falls on the exhale. This helps you focus on the breath.
Slowly inhale through the nose for 1–2 counts, feeling the stomach gently expand under your hand. Slowly exhale through the mouth for 3–5 counts, feeling the stomach sink in. If the muscles of your neck and shoulders are tight, they need to be relaxed before doing the breathing technique.
IMPORTANT: this practice should be approached with caution. It has contraindications, and it’s important to consult your doctor before doing it.
Dancing 🙂
My favourite way to get back to myself 🙂
The thing that helps me return to my authenticity and relax my mind. There are no rules or techniques here.
Just at home, alone, with my favourite music, in whatever makes me feel amazing, in front of the mirror I simply become myself.
For someone else, this might be going to a place where people go specifically to dance. Everyone chooses what suits them. I’m an introvert and not a party girl at all and I cannot stand big crowds of people too close around me, so my option is dancing at home. But everyone chooses their own.
Strength training, walking and stretching
Everyone already talks about how important physical exercise is both for the body and for the mind, and that sport helps the body release endorphins- the hormones of happiness. Sport improves mood, reduces stress, helps get out of depressive states, raises self-esteem, confidence etc.
In my case, I stretch every day and go to the gym 4 times a week. In the summer, I play tennis twice a week. This is what feels good to my body. Choose what resonates with you, what feels comfortable for your body, without exhausting it. I also walk at least 10,000 steps a day- having a dog helps a lot 🙂
The next challenge will be doing it without my phone .. a true test of discipline for me 🙂
I wasn’t always like this. Everything I write here didn’t come to me easily or naturally. I used to be a completely different person with different fears, reactions and ways of living. I’m still on my way, and here I’m simply sharing what helps me and reminding myself and others that change is possible.
