In this week’s episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions, I chat with integrative coach Elfreda Manahan-Vaughan. We explore the complexities of attachment patterns beyond the traditional narratives, including avoidant, balanced (secure), coercive (anxious), and unresolved trauma. Elfreda explains how these patterns are adaptive and can vary based on context. She also discusses how individuals can earn secure attachments through self-awareness and evolving relational behaviours. We also touch on how these patterns manifest in different aspects of life, including money management, friendships, and workplace interactions.
IN THIS EPISODE…
01:24 Exploring Attachment with Alfreda Mannerheim Vaughan
05:33 Elfreda’s journey into attachment theory
08:48 Natalie’s confusing experience of attachment theory
11:40 Understanding popular attachment narratives
21:43 Adapting and evolving attachment patterns
13:52 Patricia Crittenden’s Second Generation Attachment Theory
27:21 Deeper understanding of avoidant behaviour
28:44 Patterns of avoidant and anxious behaviour
32:16 Personal reflections on relationship dynamics
34:28 Exploring people-pleasing styles from Natalie’s book The Joy of Saying No
37:14 Attachment patterns in different contexts
40:42 Steps towards earned security and the balanced pattern
45:46 Final thoughts and key takeaways
LINKS MENTIONED AND RECOMMENDED RESOURCES
- Elfreda’s website
Elfreda Manahan-Vaughn on Instagram and LinkedIn - Elfreda’s article “It’s not what you think it is” on Ruth Cooper-Dickson’s Substack
- Mary Ainsworth’s experiment, the Strange Situation
- Patricia Crittenden’s infographic of the Dynamic Maturation Model of Attachment and Adaption (DMM) which breaks down the patterns within the patterns (scroll down to the ‘adulthood’ section at the bottom)
- Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl
- Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
- The Joy of Saying No
- Download my free Unsent Letter and Feelings Diary Guides for help with writing about your feelings to take steps toward earned security and the balanced pattern.
- What’s the baggage behind it?
- ‘Prepping’ for hurt and loss cuts us off from intimacy and connection
- 11 Signs You’re in the Wrong Relationship and That It’s Time to Break Up
- Podcast Ep. 147: Till Now, I Always Did Fine On My Own
- Podcast Ep. 154: Talking About Our Feelings (Part One)
- Podcast Ep. 155: Talking About Our Feelings (Part Two)
- Podcast Ep. 283: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
- Podcast Ep. 94: We Are Allowed To Grow (Yes We Are!)
- Podcast Ep. 210: I am anxious about *something*
- Podcast Ep. 132: Fear of sacrifice, loss and being trapped
- Podcast Ep. 213: There’s No Need to Try & Meet All of Your Needs On Your Own
- Podcast Ep. 187: Breaking the Lather, Rinse, Repeat of the Frustrating Dating Cycle
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The post Shifting Our Understanding of Attachment appeared first on Baggage Reclaim with Natalie Lue.
