In this week’s episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions, I tackle the exhausting cycle of self-blame that keeps so many of us stuck in painful situations. From my recent experiences talking to burned-out employees to conversations with clients, I’ve noticed how quickly we jump to “What’s wrong with me?” when facing challenges at work or in relationships. I explore why blaming our “unworthiness” or “not trying hard enough” obscures the actual problems – whether they’re systemic workplace issues or others’ emotional unavailability – and keeps us locked in cycles of overgiving and burnout.
If you’re constantly taking responsibility for situations beyond your control or believing that throwing more effort at problems will magically fix them, this compassionate pep talk will help you recognise that it’s not all on you. You don’t have to bear the load, and shifting this perspective might just open up possibilities you’ve never considered.
IN THIS EPISODE…
- Self-blame keeps us trapped in cycles of overgiving and exhaustion. When we automatically assume workplace burnout, relationship difficulties, or persistent problems are because of our “unworthiness” or “not trying hard enough,” we obscure the real issues and prevent ourselves from finding actual solutions. This pattern is particularly common among people pleasers who’ve learned to take responsibility for everything.
- Systemic workplace issues are often mislabeled as personal failings. Many struggling employees believe there’s something inherently wrong with them when they can’t keep up with impossible workloads or toxic environments. By recognising when problems are embedded in workplace culture rather than personal shortcomings, we can stop internalising organisational dysfunction.
- The “efforting trap” convinces us that throwing more effort at problems will eventually fix them. This belief, rooted in childhood conditioning, teaches us that if we just try harder, work longer hours, or sacrifice more, things will improve. Yet when situations don’t change despite increased effort, it’s often because the problem isn’t about effort at all but about incompatibility or others’ limitations.
- Our tendency to self-blame often comes from early experiences where we learned everything was within our control. This people-pleasing pattern of believing if we’re just “good enough,” everyone will treat us well, creates a distorted sense of responsibility that ignores others’ agency and systemic problems, making us blame ourselves for what we can’t possibly control.
- Shifting from self-blame to truth-telling opens up possibilities. When we stop making everything about our worthiness and start recognising what’s actually happening, we can make decisions from a more grounded place. This doesn’t necessarily mean quitting jobs or relationships, but it allows us to create boundaries that protect our wellbeing while considering options we previously couldn’t see.
LINKS MENTIONED AND RECOMMENDED RESOURCES
SUPPORT THE PODCAST
Donate to the podcast tip jar
CONNECT WITH ME
Add to favorites
