Like food waste, fowl shit, spit or even hex.
6th August 2019
Dear Britt,
I was made to feel bad about saying no, like being trapped in a perverse dynamic where someone could stab you, yet you were still expected to find a subtle way to distance and protect yourself without upsetting them. They are immoral, and yet, they feel entitled to their offense when you try to dodge them.
I’m not sure if anyone else has had to endure this, but there are moments when it feels as though I don’t even have the right to protect my own dignity, to ensure the very food I eat is hygienic and safe to eat.
There was a period when my condition rendered me incapable of doing anything, let alone preparing my own meals. I was completely reliant on my partner for my meals. I couldn’t even collect deliveries myself. I was unable to leave the house, and the delivery services wouldn’t come to my floor.
One particular day, he stood there watching me eat with a strange, uncomfortable look. I took one bite. Then, he confessed that what I was eating was scraped and packed by his sibling from their leftovers.
It felt as if he, too, had been manipulated, made to believe it was acceptable to scrape together half-eaten food and present it as a proper, clean meal. Perhaps something in him knew it was wrong, and that conscience made him confess.
