What Happens When Type A And Type B People Date

There are two types of people in the world: type A and type B. Or so common wisdom says, anyway — of course, as with anything human, we’re all much more complex than that.

Still, sorting people into type A and type B categories can sometimes serve as useful shorthand for understanding ourselves and others. This is especially true in romantic relationships.

You might think that a partnership between a type A person and a type B person could never work, or would be fraught with tension, but this isn’t completely accurate.

Firstly, type A/type B relationships are all around us — opposites attract, after all. In fact, these relationships can be super successful. All it takes is a little communication.

We spoke to two relationship experts to find out what type A/type B relationships tend to look like, and how to navigate some of the issues that can crop up in these pairings.

People often use the terms “type A” and “type B” in everyday conversation, but few know their slightly odd origins. According to Medical News Today, the terms were first invented in 1959 by two cardiologists whose research suggested that a type A personality may be linked to higher instances of coronary heart disease — but their research has been widely questioned because the scientists received funding from the tobacco industry. Still, the categorizations themselves do hold water as a starting point to understanding how different people work.

Anyway, “type A is typically characterized by high drive, urgency, competitiveness, and a need for control. The person who has a color-coded calendar and gets twitchy when plans change,” Sabrina Zohar, a dating coach and podcaster, told HuffPost. “Type B tends to be more laid-back, flexible, go-with-the-flow, and less reactive to external pressure.”

With that in mind, there’s a LOT of nuance to these categories, and it’s important to take them with a grain of salt. After all, there’s even been a type C personality discussed lately.

“Awareness of one’s personality is helpful when it comes to matters like job placement and relationships; however, only focusing on one’s designated personality type may cause one to underestimate their ability to adapt to circumstances,” Michele Leno, a licensed psychologist, relationship expert and host of the talk show “Mind Matters with Dr. Michele,” told HuffPost. “If you place them in a box, you may not notice the type A behaving calmly under pressure or how well the type B pursues and accomplishes goals.”

Also, there’s a difference between innate personality traits and those brought on by environmental necessity. “Type A may be dealing with anxiety that causes more hyper-vigilance,” said Dr. Leno. “Type B has perhaps learned to home in on their emotions and effectively manage underlying distress so that it is less obvious.”

And another thing: Nobody is just type A or just type B. “We exist on a spectrum and can shift depending on context. Someone might be extremely type A at work but more relaxed in relationships, or vice versa,” said Zohar. “The labels can help us understand general tendencies, but I’d caution against using them to box people in or excuse behavior. We contain multitudes, and ‘that’s just how I am’ isn’t a free pass.”

It’s called a partnership for a reason. When we have different strengths and weaknesses in a relationship, we can fill in the gaps for each other — making the ride easier for both people involved.

In a type A/type B relationship, “the type A partner brings structure, planning, and forward momentum,” said Zohar. “The type B partner brings flexibility, calm, and the reminder that not everything needs to be optimized. Type A helps type B stay on track; type B helps type A actually enjoy the ride.”

When someone close to us does things really differently from us, many of us find it difficult, and we may turn to judging them rather than seeking to understand how they work.

“Type A can perceive type B as lazy, unmotivated, or not taking things seriously,” Zohar said. “Type B can experience type A as controlling, critical, or exhausting. Type A wants a plan; type B wants to see how they feel. Type A gets frustrated when things aren’t efficient; type B gets frustrated when everything has to be a production.”

But differences aren’t bad in themselves — the problem lies in how the type A and type B partners respond to those differences.

“They can clash when one tries to change the other,” Dr. Leno said. “While early dating can be exciting, as the relationship progresses, so will expectations. Requiring one to deviate from their natural way of being will induce conflict and possibly a breakup.”

Or as Zohar put it, problems arise “when each person starts interpreting the other’s wiring as a personal flaw rather than a different operating system.”

Short answer? Type A/type B couples are super common. “Opposites do attract, especially early on when differences feel exciting and complementary rather than irritating,” Zohar said. “Type A might be drawn to type B’s ease and chill energy, thinking ‘I need more of that in my life.’ Type B might admire type A’s ambition and ability to get shit done. We often seek out what we feel we lack.”

You probably know where this is going: Those differences may not always feel as good as they did when you started dating. “What attracts you in the beginning can become what annoys you later if you’re not intentional about appreciating those differences rather than trying to change them,” Zohar said.

It doesn’t matter who you are, ALL romantic relationships include major differences between partners — and a learning curve to navigate them effectively.

In the case of a type A/type B relationship, “First, recognize you’re speaking different languages. Type A communicates to solve, fix, plan. Type B communicates to process, connect, explore,” Zohar said. “Neither is wrong, but if you don’t understand what your partner actually needs from a conversation, you’ll keep missing each other.”

Both partners can work on how they approach discussions. “Type A needs to practice patience and resist the urge to immediately turn everything into an action item,” Zohar said. “Type B needs to recognize that their partner isn’t being controlling. They’re trying to create security in the way they know how.”

Again, as in every relationship, it’s important to be clear about what you’re looking for from your partner. “Get explicit about what you need: ‘I’m venting, I don’t need solutions’ or ‘I need us to make a decision on this, can we focus?’” Zohar said. “Don’t expect your partner to just know. Mind reading isn’t intimacy.”

The key to relational harmony is to really lean into what you’re both good at and feel grateful for what your partner brings to the table that doesn’t come as naturally to you.

“Divide and conquer based on strengths instead of fighting over whose approach is ‘right,’” Zohar said. “Let the type A partner take the lead on things that require planning and logistics. Let the type B partner take the lead on spontaneity and making sure you’re actually having fun together.”

In terms of expectations, you should both commit to understanding each other by explicitly communicating how you work and what you need AND by paying attention to your partner’s habits. “Type A: your partner’s relaxed approach isn’t a sign they don’t care,” Zohar said. “Type B: your partner’s need for structure isn’t them being uptight. It’s how they feel safe.”

In terms of boundaries, it’s “about protecting the relationship from your own worst tendencies,” Zohar said. “Type A might need to agree not to criticize how their partner loads the dishwasher. Type B might need to commit to showing up on time when it matters to their partner.”

More than anything, type A partners shouldn’t try to make their partner more like them, and vice-versa — that’s the surest way to strangle the relationship. “You didn’t fall in love with this person so you could turn them into you,” Zohar said. “The goal isn’t to make your type B partner more ambitious or your type A partner more chill. It’s to build a relationship where both ways of being are respected.”