Bride Bans Mother-in-Law From Wedding-Dress Shopping

As you begin to plan your wedding, you may start discussing an important element with your partner: the potential cost. And while you and your future spouse may decide to cover all of the fees associated with your big day yourselves, you may also opt to turn to loved ones to see if they can financially contribute to your nuptials. Depending on their savings and financial status, your parents may even offer to fund the entire celebration. Yet in doing so, your (or your partner’s) parents may have certain expectations about their involvement in the planning process due to their monetary gift. That was the case for one groom’s mother, who voiced discontent over not being invited to go wedding-dress shopping with her future daughter-in-law—despite paying for the cost of the couple’s nuptials. 

In a post on Reddit’s “AITAH” subreddit, the mother of the groom detailed how she’s being left out of special planning moments—even though she’s funding the big day. “My husband and I are paying for my son and his fiancé’s wedding (the entire cost),” she wrote. “I offered to also pay for her wedding dress, and she is insisting to my son that she wants to choose her own wedding dress and pay for it herself.” Recently, the original poster discovered that the bride had booked a trip abroad to go wedding-dress shopping with her best friend, mother, and aunt—and hadn’t asked her future mother-in-law to attend. “I only found this out after I asked my son if she’s picked her wedding dress yet,” the Redditor added. The mother of the groom then inquired as to whether she’s acting unreasonable for being upset over not being asked to attend the shopping experience. “She clearly finds her wedding dress to be a special thing (like any bride), and she’s left me out of the shopping and only included her best friend, her mum, and her aunt despite my husband and I footing her entire wedding and me even [offering] to pay for her wedding dress,” the OP wrote. “It feels like she’s left me out on purpose.”

While the internet sympathized with the OP’s feelings around the lack of an invitation, the majority of users ultimately said the bride didn’t have an obligation to invite her on the trip—regardless of whether or not she was funding the nuptials. “Choosing to pay doesn’t give you automatic access to any aspect of the wedding,” one person wrote. “She is free to do as she chooses, and you are free to choose to pay or not. Your priorities may not line up with hers and that’s okay. But she is not required to include you.” Others highlighted how, traditionally, the groom’s family isn’t involved in any aspect of the bride selecting her gown. “It’s wonderful you are paying for the wedding and want to be involved,” one person said. “But she is paying for the dress and traditionally only the bride’s family participates in picking the dress, so the groom and his family are surprised [on] the day of the wedding. You need to respect the emotions attached to picking a wedding dress and not impose your emotions and opinions.” 

And, ultimately, some pointed out how the bride may feel unable to reject her future mother-in-law’s opinions on her attire if she’s paying for the entire ensemble. “She may feel that if you pay for the dress, you’d feel like you’d have the right to have an opinion, so she’d rather pay for it herself and have the dress she wants,” one Redditor wrote. “And in the end, it’s HER wedding and her experience, and she holds no obligation to involve you in what is the most intimate choice about a wedding.”