You’re here, you’ve found yourself in a healthy relationship. It’s not as exciting as the past one, but some part of you knows it’s healthy. Yet there’s still this part of you that feels your current partner is not exciting enough. They might be full of logic, with no excessive romantic gestures, just there to support you. They may not even ask for much from you, and you feel ‘single’ in a good way within the relationship. It’s the case of being in a relationship but the sense of you is still blooming and growing.
Despite all that, your mind keeps circling back and comparing your relationship to that of your next-door neighbour or to that couple you’ve seen on Instagram going to Bali and having their best times.
It also slightly compares your current partner with your past relationships, as the past one, albeit abusive, had sparks of excitement in it.
You even feel that maybe you don’t have great chemistry with your current partner, and words like “you’re not compatible” or “maybe they’re not the right one” start circling in your mind because they don’t make your skin crinkle. They don’t give you those highs, and you may mistake that as them not loving you.
You see, when it comes to relationships or life in general, we often mistake brief excitement as the key, as the implication that it’s what we truly want. If it’s not exciting, you may dismiss it, just like the relationship you’re in. Excitement is just a brief high, and an abusive relationship can be exciting but at the same time deeply hurtful.
You may struggle to adjust to a healthy relationship because you’ve grown used to the excitement your past relationships gave you. They gave you that adrenaline rush, and your nervous system has come to associate the highs and lows as the “normal” way to connect.
So when you meet someone who understands their boundaries and even encourages you to respect yours, you may feel that the relationship is too boring and not worth your time. You will struggle to adjust to that kind of healthy connection because your nervous system has not yet recalibrated to a new default setting, the one that understands you’ve got to take care of yourself, that you’ve got to embrace boredom.
An interesting perspective about boredom that I’ve learned is understanding that boredom is not really a sign that something is wrong or a sign that your partner is uninteresting or that your relationship lacks passion.
It’s simply a barometer of your attention in the moment.
It tells you that the quality of your attention has dropped. The more present you are, the less bored you become. What feels like boredom is often your mind craving the chaos and intensity it once knew.
So the next time your relationship feels boring, pause and look within. Notice that what seems dull may just be your nervous system adjusting to peace. It may be your mind detoxing from constant drama.
The adjustment may be uncomfortable, but this is where your growth is. This is where your lotus blooms out of the mud of your past experiences, blossoming into something steady and real.
What may look boring from the outside is often the peace you once prayed and hoped for. It’s never really about boredom, it’s your mind learning to rest in safety, even when nothing “exciting” is happening.
NOTE FROM AUTHOR
If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.
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