We grow up in a community that tells us to succeed together. We are encouraged to support one another, face challenges side by side, and prove outdated expectations wrong as a team. The goal is to rise together, not against each other.
Along the way, many parents and elders used peer comparison as motivation. They raised us the best way they knew, yet those comparisons unintentionally shaped us to see our peers as rivals instead of companions.
“Kailangan tumbasan mo siya.”
“Kailangan mas magaling ka.”
“Kailangan ikaw ang top 1.”
“Bakit siya kaya niya, tapos ikaw hindi?”
“Pareho lang naman kayo ng kinakain, pero bakit tinalo ka niya?”
These became the background noise of childhood. As if our classmates or friends committed a crime against our families simply because they achieved something first.
For many households, comparison felt like a push to work harder. A fear of being seen as “less.” A belief that being behind is unacceptable.
This is one reason why some young adults today still compete with their own friends. It becomes unconscious and can silently hurt relationships. You might notice people who always need to be first, the one who “made it” in the group. That behavior has roots. We were raised in constant comparison.
Now that our generation is becoming older, we have the chance to break the cycle. This mindset influences friendships and affects how much insecurity or toxicity we bring into adulthood.
This is not an attack on parents. They did what they believed was best. They gave what they could with the knowledge they had. Acknowledging the impact simply helps us understand ourselves better.
Friends, competition within friendships is unnecessary. Everyone has a different timeline. I learned that the hard way. Your moment will come. While you wait, clap for others with genuine pride. Trust that your own win will arrive too.
Competing with peers can cost you real, genuine bonds. We must challenge the belief that we always need to be ahead. True friends want each other to win.
The quote “Tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are” is often misused to imply that the success of your friends must reflect your own success. Life is not a scoreboard. One friend’s achievements do not define the rest of the group.
This quote can mean something deeper.
- What kind of friend are you when others are winning
- Can you support them wholeheartedly?
- Can you clap without insecurity?
- Can you show up even when someone else is in the spotlight?
Loyalty in friendships deserves more attention. There is strength in cheering others on without keeping score. There is maturity in knowing that someone else’s achievements never erase your own.
Real friendship is when no one has to dim another’s light to shine. When success becomes a shared joy, not a threat.
That is the kind of circle worth keeping. A circle where everyone grows. A circle where no one is left behind, not because they matched a standard, but because love and loyalty held them close.
We now understand where this competitive instinct came from. We can unlearn it. It is perfectly okay if you are not ahead yet. It is okay if someone reaches a milestone before you do. Your worth is not defined by who crosses the finish line first.
As future parents, guardians, or role models, we can choose a better way. We can encourage without comparing. Motivate without shaming. Protect friendships instead of turning them into rivalries.
May we raise a generation that cheers for each other, grows together, and knows that success feels better when everyone gets to celebrate.
Genuinely,
~C
