In this week’s episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions, I dig into resentment, that simmering feeling that shows up when you’ve said yes from a place of guilt and obligation, inevitably leading to your ignoring, dismissing, and overriding yourself to accommodate someone else or live up to expectations.
I share two recent stories from my own life: one where resentment led to an awkward but necessary conversation that ultimately strengthened my relationship with a loved one, and another where resentment didn’t show up at all. The latter was a stark contrast to how past me would have dealt with the same person and situation.
If you’ve been swimming in resentment, feeling like you’re always the one accommodating, or tired of saying yes when you mean no, this episode offers both understanding of what resentment is telling you and practical guidance on what to do about it – including how to have those awkward conversations and recognise your code amber warnings before you hit the red line.
IN THIS EPISODE…
- Resentment is a signal, not a character flaw. Resentment isn’t something to be ashamed of; it’s your boundaries, body, and self trying to get your attention. It’s one of the “people-pleaser feelings” (along with guilt, anxiety, overwhelm, frustration, feeling overloaded or powerless) that show up when you’ve crossed your own line by doing things out of guilt and obligation.
- Doing things from a place of guilt and obligation always creates resentment. When you say yes while performing familiar roles (the good daughter, the helper, the fixer, the responsible one) or from fear of consequences, you unconsciously expect something in return.
- Resentment reveals what needs to change on your side of the street. When resentment shows up, it’s a cue to come back to base and ask: Where have I sidelined my own needs to accommodate someone else? Where have I slipped into playing a familiar role? What needs to change on my end to embody healthier boundaries? Recognising resentment highlights what you need to confront in yourself and what actions you need to take.
- The difference between desire and obligation determines resentment levels. If there’s a gap between what you want to do and what you feel obliged to do, that’s where resentment lives. Operating from your values rather than from guilt, obligation, or seeking approval means you can do generous things without breeding resentment.
- Notice your code amber warnings before you hit the red line. If there’s a red line where resentment tips over the edge, there were amber warnings along the way. Those smaller annoyances you rationalise away (“Well, their situation…” “What difference would it make anyway?”) are taking you down the road to resentment. Speaking up earlier prevents buildup.
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