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Home»Self-Love»What Actually Makes You Resilient?
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What Actually Makes You Resilient?

kirklandc008@gmail.comBy kirklandc008@gmail.comMay 15, 2025No Comments5 Mins Read
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What Actually Makes You Resilient?
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In a world with political polarization, war, extreme weather events, and increasing costs of living, we need to be able to cope as individuals and communities. 

Our capacity to cope with very real stressors in our lives—our resilience—can determine whether we thrive, just survive, or are deprived of a reasonable quality of life.

Stress vs. resilience

Woman outdoors looking up at the sky

Resilience means having the ability to cope with, and rebound from, life’s challenges and still achieve our goals.

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Stress isn’t something to be avoided. We need to feel some stress to achieve our best. Exposure to manageable levels of stress and adversity develops our coping skills and resilience.

But if we feel too much stress, we can flounder or become overwhelmed.

The ability to re-activate ourselves when we feel down, fatigued, or disengaged helps to optimize our focus and motivation. Sportspeople, for example, might listen to high-intensity music just before a competition to increase their energy levels.

Conversely, the ability to dampen down emotional intensity can make us feel less stressed or anxious. Exercising, listening to relaxing music, or patting a much-loved pet can prevent high arousal from interfering with completing a task.

Effective emotion regulation is crucial for adapting to life’s ups and downs, and keeping us on a relatively even keel.

How does resilience develop?

Resilience emerges from interactions between personal and environmental factors. 

In addition to emotion regulation skills, personal factors that can bolster resilience include academic achievement, developing a range of skills and abilities (such as sport and music), and problem-solving skills. Many of these skills can be fostered in childhood. And if one area of life isn’t going well, we can still experience confidence, joy, and meaning in others.

People who reflect on traumatic experience and develop new positive meanings about themselves (getting through it means I’m strong!) and life (a greater appreciation) can also have higher levels of resilience.

Genetic factors and temperament also play an important role. Some of us are born with nervous systems that respond with more anxiety than others in novel, uncertain, or potentially threatening situations. And some of us are more likely to avoid rather than approach these situations. These traits tend to be associated with lower levels of resilience. But we can all learn skills to build our resilience.

Environmental factors that promote resilience include:

  • a nurturing home environment
  • supportive family and peer relationships
  • cultural identity, belonging, and rituals
  • modeling from others overcoming hardship
  • community cohesion
  • government policies that provide social safety nets, strong education, anti-discrimination, and inclusion
  • investment in facilities, spaces, services, and networks that support the quality of life and well-being of communities.

Can resilience be taught?

Many factors associated with resilience are modifiable, so it stands to reason that interventions that aim to bolster them should be helpful.

There is evidence that interventions that promote optimism, flexibility, active coping, and social support–seeking can have small yet meaningful positive effects on resilience and emotional well-being in children and adults.

However, school-based programs give us reason to be cautious.

A trial across 84 schools in the United Kingdom evaluated the effectiveness of school-based mindfulness programs. More than 3,500 students aged between 11 and 13 years received 10 lessons of mindfulness and a similar number did not.

There was no evidence that mindfulness had any benefit on risk for depression; social, emotional, and behavioral functioning; or well-being after one year. Teaching schoolchildren mindfulness at scale did not appear to bolster resilience.

In fact, there was some evidence it did harm—and it was most harmful for students at the highest risk of depression. The intervention was not deemed to be effective or cost-effective and was not recommended by the authors.

In another recent trial, researchers found an emotion regulation intervention with year eight and nine school children was unhelpful and even harmful, although children who engaged in more home practice tended to do better.

These interventions may have failed for a number of reasons. The content may not have been delivered in a way that was sufficiently engaging, comprehensive, age-appropriate, frequent, individually tailored, or relevant to the school context. Teachers may also not be sufficiently trained in delivering these interventions for them to be effective. And students didn’t co-design the interventions.

Regardless of the reasons, these findings suggest we need to be cautious when delivering universal interventions to all children. It may be more helpful to wait until there are early signs of excessive stress and intervene in an individualized way.

What does this mean for resilience-building?

Parents and schools have a role in providing children with the sense of security that gives them confidence to explore their environments and make mistakes in age-appropriate ways, and providing support when needed.

Parents and teachers can encourage children to try to solve problems themselves before getting involved. Problem-solving attempts should be celebrated even more than success.

Schools need to allocate their scarce resources to children most in need of practical and emotional support in non-stigmatizing ways, rather than universal approaches. Most children will develop resilience without intervention programs.

To promote resilience, schools can foster positive peer relationships, cultural identity, and involvement in creative, sporting, and academic pursuits. They can also highlight others’ recovery and resilience stories to demonstrate how growth can occur from adversity.

More broadly in the community, people can work on developing their own emotion regulation skills to bolster their confidence in their ability to manage adversity.

Think about how you can:

  • approach challenges in constructive ways
  • actively problem-solve rather than avoid challenges
  • genuinely accept failure as part of being human
  • establish healthy boundaries
  • align your behavior with your values
  • receive social and professional support when needed.

This will help you navigate the ebbs and flows of life in ways that support recovery and growth.

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

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