Top Tips and Real Examples

As your loved one’s maid of honor, you assume a wide range of responsibilities during the planning process, such as weighing in on gown colors and pre-wedding events to offering emotional support when problems arise. Your job doesn’t end there, though. Once the couple says “I do” and the Champagne bottles are popped, you’ll find yourself facing one more major assignment: giving a toast at the reception. If the idea of taking the microphone in front of a roomful of friends (and strangers) terrifies you, don’t worry: You’re not alone. Research indicates that approximately 75 percent of people list public speaking as a major fear. Even if you’re confident in front of a crowd, sharing a speech full of sentiment about someone you love often feels much scarier than presenting a business proposal based on facts and figures. 

A successful maid of honor speech is easier to create than you might think, says Colin Sweeney, the founder of Tinseltown Toasts. “There’s no such thing as the perfect maid of honor speech—or any other wedding speech for that matter,” says Sweeney. “If any idea of perfection exists in relation to a maid of honor speech, it has nothing to do with the speech and everything to do with the effect the speech has when it’s delivered.” Your aim is to create a moment, one that builds on the experience the couple has created throughout the celebration.

If that sounds even more difficult than stringing together a few jokes, fear not: Sweeney has a tried-and-true process for connecting personal stories with deep emotion to create a completely customized work of art. “The speech that gets you there can look like all kinds of things, and it can sound like all kinds of things, but there is only one thing it feels like: It’s 50 or 150 or 500 people sharing a moment of actual connection,” he says. “If the maid of honor can put even a measure of that electricity into the air, everyone wins.” Here, Sweeney breaks down how to do just that.

4 Elements of a Memorable Maid of Honor Speech

You want your maid of honor speech to be remembered for all the right reasons, such as the perfect blend of sweet-and-funny stories, the way you enhanced everyone’s understanding of the couple, or how the bride’s mother shed a tear or two, rather than for jokes that bombed or awkward anecdotes better suited for the bachelorette party. Here’s what to keep in mind. 

It’s Personal, But Not Too Revealing

In a room full of people who know the couple in a variety of ways—their lifelong friends, their distant relatives, their parents’ coworkers—remember that you know them best. “It absolutely should be personal,” says Sweeney. “The degree to which, however, should be determined by the relationship you have with the bride. If she’s deeply private, maybe keep the gory details between you two? On the flip side, if she is just as open and entertained by her toils, troubles, and missteps in life with the other people present as she is with you, then lots of sharing just might be the right version of caring.”

It’s Funny, But Not Only Funny  

Rather than leaning exclusively on humor or sentimental memories, create a moment that surprises guests with a range of different emotions. “I always advocate shooting for tonal balance across a speech,” says Sweeney. “A speech that’s just jokes may not have much depth, and it might feel a little mean-spirited, too. A speech that is just tears… well, that’s just tough to get through for all involved. Neither one becomes breakfast-table conversation the next morning. But the more movement between those poles that a speaker can provide, the more enjoyable and accessible the speech becomes because the audience is leaning in wondering, ‘What’s next?’” 

It’s a Speech, Not a Performance 

While some wedding parties might be able to pull off a skit, song, or dance that stands in for a straightforward speech, in most cases, you should stick to a traditional format. “If the bride has asked for her maid of honor to give a speech, it should almost always be a speech,” says Sweeney. “There’s a history and a purpose to the tradition of making speeches in these moments, and if that’s what you’ve been asked to do for her, then that’s the right move.”

It’s About Them, Not About You

Many maids of honor start the speechwriting process with the same question: How do I write an incredible toast? But this question, at its heart, isn’t about the wedding or the couple; it’s about you. “For a moment, try shifting your focus instead to the effect of the speech, by asking: ‘How do I write a maid of honor speech that makes the wedding celebration more incredible?,’” he says. “Focusing on what the speech can do for them rather than what it can do for you reframes the whole process. That still may not be the easiest question to answer. But if anyone on the planet is equipped to answer it, it’s you—that’s why she asked to serve as her maid of honor in the first place.”

How to Write a Maid of Honor Speech: 5 Key Steps

If the idea of writing a speech gives you sweaty palms and a racing heart, think of it instead as writing a story, but one where your best friend is the hero, says Sweeney. He recommends a three-step pre-writing process that combines your favorite memories of the guest of honor with an emotional punch based on how she makes you—and those around her—feel. The final product should take between four-and-a-half and nine minutes to recite. “When you consider some of the acknowledgements you often need to get out of the way up front, there suddenly isn’t a lot of speech real estate left in just four-and-a-half total minutes to communicate with the impact you want,” he says. 

Step 1: Mini Brainstorm

Before you get bogged down in details, stories, and jokes, start with a mini-brainstorming session that helps you identify a simple gut reaction. “Think about the bride,” says Sweeney. “Now think about how you feel when you spend time with her. It’s your life experience, so there are no wrong answers, but just a few top-of-my-mind ‘how you feel when you spend time with her’ examples might be: excited, calm, eternal, wild, safe, loved, free, frightened, tipsy, giddy, powerful, hilarious, unforgettable.” Aim for three to five answers, and set them aside. 

Step 2: Recall

An effective maid of honor speech doesn’t require the same level of research as your high school papers or college thesis once did. “You have already lived [through] all of the research you’ll need to do for this speech,” says Sweeney. “But one of the biggest problems we encounter when writing about the people we love is that they’re often people who have become a part of our everyday lives, and unfortunately, our brains aren’t very good about keeping everyday moments easily accessible for low-effort recall.” 

If you’re at a loss for stories, memories, or personality traits that feel right for a speech, Sweeney suggests looking at old photos, texts, emails, or letters (notes passed in science class count, too!) for help. “Write down everything that moves you: Any memory that jumps out and makes you laugh, or cry, or blush, or be thankful, or get embarrassed, or even just miss her,” he says. “The list will probably be a little scattered and all over the place… if so, that’s great!” Though some maids of honor use their allotted time with the microphone to share memories from other friends and family members, Sweeney recommends relying on your own history with the bride first.

Step 3: Recognize the Underlying Theme

In this step, compare the way you feel when you’re with the bride against the memories you’ve shared. “Then, one at a time, ask yourself if the feeling in question was present in every moment from the list of memories that moved you,” says Sweeney. “Like maybe for feeling powerful: that very first Taylor Swift concert. For feeling loved: the month she watched every single episode of XYZ television show with you after a bad breakup.” 

Make a note of every time a feeling and event align, and look for repeating patterns. “Feeling ‘powerful’ might apply to that concert, but also to the time you got your first apartment, and when you celebrated after your big promotion,” says Sweeney. “Whichever feeling has the most hits, that’s probably your theme—and it’s definitely the feeling you’re going to create for the audience by putting them into your shoes with a little storytelling.” And make sure to also look out for any changes in the pattern.

Step 4: Outline and Write

The character arc of your story should hit three points, says Sweeney: Where the bride began, where she was, and where she is now. “‘Where’ isn’t about geography, it’s about her growth as a person,” he says. “You could also easily substitute ‘how,’ ‘who,’ or ‘what’ instead.” If you were able to pick out a key feeling you associate with the bride—and three stories that illustrate this feeling—then you have a ready-made outline and a connecting thread that guarantees a memorable speech.

Story One: Where She Began

The first part of your speech should start with a story about the bride in a younger era. “Whichever anecdote you choose from the list of memories might not be from early in your friendship, but it simplifies things if it is,” says Sweeney. Maybe you have a story about sitting next to her on the first day of first grade, of meeting her at your freshman year move-in day, or of being paired together at new-hire orientation. “Whether you have a long history of friendship together or not, use this moment to give a bit of a sense of who she was early on,” says Sweeney. “Whether a recent moment or an ancient one, it should illustrate why this friendship was fated to be such a big part of your lives. It does not need to be the actual moment you became such good friends, but it could be.”

Story Two: Where She Was

The middle section of your speech should reference her life before she met her partner. “If this is a situation in which you don’t feel comfortable being critical of the bride, even in a joking way, then the anecdote to illustrate ‘where she was’ should be a very sincere example,” says Sweeney. This may be a time of personal struggle, a difficult loss, or a time when you “knew she was destined for bigger things” than life had handed her up to that point. “If this is a situation in which you can be critical in a joking way, the example you use here can be pretty fun—we’ve all been a mess at one time or another, in one way or another,” says Sweeney. “Just remember: We’re laughing with, not at.”

Story Three: Where She Is

The last section of your speech should include an anecdote about where the bride is now. “Creatively show them the character growth that led to this marriage,” says Sweeney. “If you know her partner well, then ‘where she is’ could definitely revolve around his or her arrival in her life and the impact of that change on her: Here she is in a great relationship, at the beginning of what will surely be an incredible marriage, enjoying XYZ other success… the writing on the wall you saw all along is now visible to us all.” If you don’t want to focus on her individual growth, you can also consider an alternative approach, one that spotlights the positive impact she has on those around her.

Step Five: Editing

Once you’ve finished writing, make sure to leave time to refine and polish your work. “If you can talk through all of your editing aloud, try doing it,” says Sweeney. “A speech is meant to be heard, not read.” As you go through your words, keep two points in mind. “Check in with your goal—to create a moment that levels up the experience of the wedding,” says Sweeney. “If you’ve included material that is too tangential, you’ll hear it, and this is when you make the tough choice to let it go.” Your other focus should be keeping your phrases and word choices as short and sweet as possible: Think conversational and snappy, not formal or Dickens-inspired. “If you encounter something that can be said with fewer words… do,” says Sweeney. 

4 Tips for Giving a Maid of Honor Speech

For most people, writing the speech is the easy part: Pushing through your nerves to deliver it is the real challenge. Instead of numbing your anxieties with too much bubbly—often a recipe for disaster behind the microphone—perfect your presentation with these pre-wedding practices (and then spend the rest of the evening celebrating your success). 

Don’t: Memorize the Speech

Even if your career requires you to give deeply emotional speeches on a regular basis, don’t attempt to recite your speech from memory. “Speaking from the heart, with the heart, and to and about people you love is an entirely different animal,” says Sweeney. “You’re out to create a feeling with your speech, and as you do so, you just might get caught up in it yourself!”

Do: Organize Your Notes

The process of splitting up the speech onto a set of cards allows you to familiarize yourself with the rhythm and tone of the piece. “You don’t want a note card to end mid-thought and then have to flip to the next one,” Sweeney says. “If they are out of order for some reason, that’s going to be tough. Good rule: As the thought turns, so does the card.” Sweeney recommends making physical notecards—not just using your Notes app—to look more prepared. “Reading from your phone does give the impression you jotted it down in the Uber on the way to the wedding, but that method can be useful if you’re making changes last-minute,” he says.

Do: Practice, Practice, Practice

Read the speech out loud “as much as you can—let’s say 12 to 15 times is a solid target,” Sweeney says. “And that’s ideally all the way through, from start to finish. Be extremely familiar with the words.” For extra practice, record yourself on video or audio and watch it back: Track how often you lift your eyes from the cards to look at the newlyweds, whether you’re fidgeting, and how confident you sound. “I know, it’s not usually the most comfortable thing to do,” he says. “But the harshest critic is typically the one looking back at us in the mirror. This is one of the very rare instances where we can use that to our advantage.”

Do: Be Yourself

Remember: Your friend asked you to give this speech. Don’t try to be someone else. “If you’re not a comedian, don’t be a comedian, but bring a light touch of humor to the table, and it’ll go a long way,” says Sweeney. “If you’re not the sentimental type, don’t be overly sentimental. Again, just a pinch or two winds up having some real punch. Above all, be yourself—a fancy, polished, well-rehearsed version of yourself.”

Maid of Honor Speech Examples to Make Your Own

If you’re feeling stuck, here are three examples of speeches from real bridesmaids to inspire your own.

Example 1

“Good evening, everyone. I’m Cami, the maid of honor and the bride’s best friend. Over the past 15 years, I’ve witnessed Madison prioritize everyone else’s happiness, but today, we get to honor hers. With Madison being my most fun-loving friend, I knew she’d be down to join me on a two-week adventure traveling throughout Europe. We lived together, but nothing cements a friendship quite like sharing a full-size bed in dingy hostels from the Netherlands to Spain. Madison’s luggage kept breaking, and she went through four suitcases in 14 days! There we were, strolling down a busy street in Madrid and Madison’s clothes were falling out of her over-packed suitcase, painting the path behind us with her sundresses and socks. But she never let her rundown luggage ruin the trip. She just kept rolling with it. Literally. I can always depend on Madison to roll with any situation, to show up for the people that she loves, and to have a good time.

But the truth is everyone in this room is better for knowing you, Madison. You love so deeply, selflessly, and unconditionally. And I know that Pete is the best partner for Madison because I’ve seen him mirror these traits for her. No matter what may come your way, your combined patience, resilience, and love will make you an unstoppable team. And most importantly, I know you two will continue to keep rolling with it. Cheers!” —Cami

Example 2

“I’m Ashley and welcome! I was introduced to Sarah through a mutual friend to evaluate if she would be a fit as my future roommate. I showed up to that first dinner wearing a casual sundress and flats. Meanwhile, Sarah walked in with voluminous curls, smoky eyes, red lipstick, and a smile that showed me she deserved that Miss Florida title in ’04. I just thought, ‘Who is this girl?’ Over the next two hours, I learned that this girl was the coolest, funniest person and that I had to live with her. We moved in and it was truly an immediate fit from watching the same shows to downing bottles of the same wine. Despite our homebody nature, we did enjoy our Saturday nights running around the city. One night after several margaritas, Sarah and I found ourselves locked out of our house. So we came up with the best plan we could imagine: Let’s cannonball into our pool. There we were: Two tequila-loving girls cannonballing to see who could create the biggest splash. From that night on, whenever we went out, we’d ask ourselves one key question: ‘Is it going to be a cannonball in the pool kind of night?’

And just like she’s always filled the gap in our friend group—we know that John has entered her life to level her out in the best of ways, too. Let’s raise a glass to Sarah and John! May your life together be full of cannonball-in-the-pool kind of nights.” —Ashley

Example 3

“Hi, my name is Makena and I’m the bride’s younger sister and maid of honor. As I look at Winnie and Miles today, I see two people in the most loving, trustworthy, and nurturing relationship I’ve ever witnessed. It shouldn’t come as a surprise to me that even on her wedding day, Winnie is teaching me about life and love. Because the truth is Winnie has been my lifelong teacher. She’s the one who taught me how to read and how to ride a bike, but my most memorable teaching moment was when I was 11 years old. We had this mutual understanding—or so I thought—that we would not read each other’s journals. But I, of course, read hers and naively assumed she did not read mine. I learned the truth when I opened my journal one day to see an entire page filled with Winnie’s handwriting. There in the middle of my journal was a critique from my sister detailing out how I could improve my writing.

I know that if it weren’t for my sister, I would not be the person I am today. I’m inspired daily by the woman she is. Her confidence is unshakable, her excitability is contagious, and her determination is awe-inspiring. Winnie will finally get to experience what I’ve felt like my entire life with her. She’ll be cared for, unconditionally loved, and will learn every day with Miles as her lifelong teacher through love. Please raise a glass to Winnie and Miles! May you two never stop learning from each other as you continue to love each other.” —Makena