Sarah, 45
It took me a while to figure out what turned me on – I was well into my 20s when I first had an orgasm with him
Respecting each other’s boundaries and individuality is one of the reasons we’ve been so happy together for 28 years. Admittedly, things got off to a comically rocky start when I marched up to Scott at an arcade in the late 90s and began drunkenly smothering him with kisses. I spent the next day mortified, but he soon asked me out on a date. Shortly after my 17th birthday I lost my virginity to him by his fireplace. He’s the only partner I’ve had; the only one I ever want to have.
The sex has got better, and more frequent, over the years. Nothing compares to the intimacy you experience when you’re lying there in the afterglow with someone you really trust. But it took me a while to figure out what turned me on – I was well into my 20s when I first had an orgasm with him. It was only in my 30s that sex became a priority for me. Neither Scott nor I wanted kids, so I didn’t have to navigate the emotional and physical shifts that come with pregnancy and motherhood, and I felt as if I came into my body at that point in my life.
For well over 10 years, we’ve had sex pretty much every day, although if my mood is lower it can be harder for me to get into the right headspace. I inherited a tendency to depression – both my mother and grandmother were sectioned – but once Scott gets the ball rolling I can usually find my groove. No matter how long you’re with someone, there’s always more to discover. Scott mentioned a while ago he had this fantasy of having sex on a boat, so I’m planning a trip to Hawaii to make that happen. If he mentions a particular sexy costume he’s into, I’ll always find it (though I tease him about resenting the extra laundry).
Really, though, it’s maintaining a sense of everyday courtesy that keeps our relationship strong; Scott and I come from pretty chaotic backgrounds, so neither of us ever takes calmness or politeness for granted. We still hold the door for each other, do our fair share of the housework, and ask each other about our days without fail. When you’ve got that, the rest just flows – including amazing sex.
Scott, 45
I’d be quite open to a threesome, and Sarah is interested in experimentation too
I never thought I’d be the type to marry my high-school sweetheart, but when I met Sarah I was smitten right away. Though she’d tell you she kissed me first, she’d been playing hard to get with me for months before that.
Hilariously, when I was younger I had this reputation as a player, but I had no damn clue what I was doing in bed. It’s a blessing to be with someone loving and patient as you figure out how each other’s bodies work. It’s trial and error really.
I’m the one to initiate sex at least 75% of the time – I almost feel like my sex drive has increased since my teens – but Sarah has been instigating it more and more recently, which I love. We’ve experimented with having sex in less-expected places on holiday: on our balcony in Greece at sunset, or on a beach in Mexico at midnight. When something doesn’t go according to plan, we always laugh through it.
These days, I’d say we have sex more frequently than any other couple we know, which has probably been helped by our decision not to have children. We never have to worry about bath time or homework, so instead we can spend an hour or two before bed just focusing on each other. Living on our own also means sex isn’t limited to the bedroom – we’ll often do it in the living room with porn on the TV, or against the kitchen island – and there’s so much more that we want to try together. I’d be quite open to a threesome, and Sarah is interested in experimentation too.
That said, we both know there’s never any pressure to have sex, whatever form it takes – and that’s really key. On the rare occasions when Sarah’s really feeling down, we’re 100% just watching a rerun on the couch, and as long as I get to be with her, that’s more than enough.
