The Rudest Things You Can Do When Giving A Gift

We all know that gift giver ― the one who hands you a present and immediately mentions how hard it was to find, how expensive it was or how long the shipping took. Etiquette experts say behaviors like this can make a kind gesture feel uncomfortable and even rude.

“In an idealized world, gifts are a tangible expression of your love and esteem for someone else,” Jodi R.R. Smith, president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting, told HuffPost. “It is a bellwether for your relationship. A gift is a way of turning your feelings into an object or experience is a way your words or actions cannot.”

But not everyone approaches gift-giving in a way that reflects that meaning. Even the most well-intentioned giver can slip into habits that come off as rude.

HuffPost asked Smith and other etiquette experts to share some common rude behaviors around gift-giving. Read on for eight faux pas to avoid when giving a gift and what you should do instead.

“When giving a gift, don’t tell people how much it cost,” said Nick Leighton, an etiquette expert and cohost of the “Were You Raised by Wolves?” podcast. “The best gifts are the ones that are thoughtful, not the ones that are expensive. If you think back through all the gifts you’ve ever received in your life, the ones that you like the most definitely aren’t the most expensive ones.”

A present doesn’t have to be pricey to be valuable to the recipient. Gift-givers should also be mindful of the relationship they have with that person and what price range would be appropriate.

“A rude behavior is commenting on the price,” Smith said. “Givers should be shopping within their own budgets. You should not be going into debt to give gifts. You may have spent a little or a lot. So long as it is within your budgeted amount, that is what is important.”

“One of the most common, yet rude faux pas is once you give someone a gift and they open it with excitement, you then say, ‘So, where’s my gift?’” said Jackie Vernon-Thompson, the founder of From the Inside-Out School of Etiquette. “That is a huge no-no. A gift should never be offered with the expectation of receiving one in return. The purest form of giving is rooted in generosity, not anticipation.”

She emphasized that gifting is not about expectations but about giving freely.

“If you give a gift, but there are strings attached, is it really a gift?” Leighton said. “If a gift requires an explanation, that might be a sign that it’s not a great gift.”

Indeed, the only real reward is the recipient’s expression of gratitude and excitement. And if you expect a gift in return, consider that you might receive it at a different time.

“Gifting does tend to be a reciprocal relationship. But it does not always need to be concurrent,” Smith said.

Smith advised against immediately belittling your gift when you give it to the recipient.

“‘It is just something small.’ ‘I found it on sale.’ ‘It really is not a big deal.’ Stop. You are giving someone a gift, do not diminish it,” she said.

“Rude behavior involves giving a thoughtless gift,” said Diane Gottsman, an etiquette expert, author of “Modern Etiquette for a Better Life” and founder of The Protocol School of Texas. “For example, something that has been visibly used or worn. Or something that is clearly not meant for them or very little thought was put into the purchase.”

Your gift doesn’t have to be expensive, but it should show some level of care or effort.

“With gifts, it truly is the thought that counts,” Smith said. “While few would eschew a lavish gift, the closer you are with the giftee, the more thought should go into the giving.”

“When it comes to the gift-giver, please think of who you’re giving the gift to and make it appropriate for them, not something that you want or that you’d own and that with some thought you know just isn’t right,” said August Abbott, an etiquette expert with the Q&A platform JustAnswer. “It’s important to think of the person you’re giving the gift to and not your own likes, wants, needs.”

If you don’t know the person well, she recommended choosing a safe option like a gift card to a coffee shop or a delivery service.

“Before selecting a gift, it is essential to approach the process with intention and thoughtfulness,” Vernon-Thompson said. “Consider the recipient’s personality, preferences and favorite things. The goal is to choose something they will genuinely appreciate, not an item that will be set aside or forgotten. It is often helpful to gently and subtly inquire about their wish list ― a little probing can ensure your gift truly resonates.”

“Refrain from giving personal and intimate gifts ― lingerie, robe, fragrance and the list goes on,” Vernon-Thompson advised. “These personal gifts may insinuate something beyond the present relationship. That, for sure, will cause the person to feel awkward.”

She encouraged gift-givers to be mindful of the nature and depth of your relationship with the recipient from their perspective.

“You never want to give a gift that feels too personal, too extravagant or creates discomfort because your interpretation of the relationship was different from theirs,” Vernon-Thompson said. “When in doubt, select something neutral, appropriate and modest. Excessive spending may unintentionally create a sense of obligation ― you don’t want that.”

People have a lot of opinions about regifting, but Smith said it’s OK so long as it’s not blatant. Giving the sweater you received from your cousin to your other cousin might be playing with fire, for instance. If you’re intentionally passing down an important family heirloom, then you can be open about its significance and history.

“Otherwise, so long as it is new, unused, out of the original wrapping, and the first giver and the new giftee are not in the same social circles, it is perfectly acceptable to regift,” Smth said.

There’s etiquette in your choice of gift-giving timing as well.

“The giver should also be aware of their surroundings,” Smith said. “First, if no one else is exchanging gifts and there are others present, your gift should be tucked away until later. Second, if there is something else happening, the gift may need to wait.”