In 2005 I was 35 years old and working in dance in London. I was broadening my horizons and it was so exciting for me; I’d grown up in Coffs Harbour, where all I knew as a kid was bananas, football, motorbikes and the surf club.
I was crashing on a friend’s couch and dating casually. I wasn’t looking for love – because who could ever compromise? Certainly not me.
I first encountered Sean on a gay dating site, his picture was just his lips. We connected online and I told him I was applying for a job. The first time we spoke was the day I got news I’d been passed over. As I sat on my own at an Italian restaurant he called me. His voice was familiar despite us having never met: it resonated so deeply – figuratively and literally. He was so kind and sympathetic, and, on hearing the devastation in my voice, invited me over for dinner.
It was 19 August 2005, a mild summer evening outside Queen’s Park tube station, when I first laid eyes on him. He wasn’t as tall as I imagined – but I was wearing Crocs, so who was I to pass any judgment? He was totally gorgeous and so well dressed.
When I was younger my grandmother told me I’d know my life partner the minute I met them. I certainly wasn’t expecting a little Caribbean guy from Birmingham but she was right.
We stopped for supplies before heading to his one-bedroom council flat where we kissed. That night, amid red wine and special cigarettes and in a moment of passion, I smashed a crystal glass that was resting precariously on the sofa. I felt as though I’d known him forever, our connection was transcendent. I stayed the whole weekend and moved in two weeks later.
Visa issues forced me back to Australia and long distance tested our connection for 18 months. I would count the moons because days apart were too many.
After I landed another job with a dance company in London I gave away all my belongings, including the Crocs, and arrived with just a suitcase. Life in the UK was eventful. I became part of Sean’s family quite early on and have always felt welcomed.
In 2009 I got a job back in Adelaide and Sean packed up his life to follow me. He had never lived anywhere other than England, so to say Adelaide was a culture shock is putting it mildly. It took me a while to grasp the depth of his affections.
Our relationship has had its fair share of ups and downs. Years of growth followed, as we learned how to be truly happy together.
I, especially, learned that true love begins with loving oneself, that honesty and communication are vital, and that life is so much richer when shared with the one you love – being able to believe they love you back.
Our relationship flourished through separate counselling – because vulnerability really is so fucking sexy. And through that experience we’ve finally been able to create the love languages and love life that suits us. After 15 years of self-discovery we opened our relationship, and fell madly in love with each other again.
Sean surprised me with a magical mystery tour across Spain, Morocco and France to celebrate 20 summers together. The trip was full of joy and wonder. In Paris a writer we met at a bar asked us what we loved about each other. I said I treasured how I’ve experienced the world through a different lens, that Sean has shown me beauty through art, places, people, and different perspectives I might never have seen otherwise. He smiled and said, “At least it’s never been boring.”
And it never has been.
