In this week’s episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions, I chat with my friend and author Anna Goldfarb about the fascinating complexities of modern friendship. From understanding the different tiers of friendship (from bathtub to water park!) to navigating the challenges of maintaining connections in our increasingly mobile world, we explore why so many of us struggle with friendship despite being more “connected” than ever.
Anna shares brilliant insights about why some friendships feel unfulfilling, how to be more intentional about making new friends, and why we need to adjust our expectations of different types of friendships. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by friendship dynamics or wondered why making and keeping friends feels harder than it used to, this conversation will help make sense of it all.
IN THIS EPISODE…
- Modern friendships require more flexibility than ever before, as we’ve moved away from the stability-based friendships of the past. Today’s relationships must adapt to different life stages, geographic distances, and varying levels of connection – requiring us to be more intentional about how we maintain these bonds.
- Understanding the tiers of friendship – from intimate bathtub, jacuzzi and swimming pool friends to broader bonfire and water park relationships – helps us set realistic expectations for different relationships. Not every friend needs to be (or can be) in our innermost circle, and that’s okay. These tiers are fluid and can shift over time.
- Social media and texting have created false impressions of intimacy and connection, often leading to mismatched expectations in friendships. Just because we see updates about someone’s life doesn’t mean we’re actively maintaining a close friendship with them – there’s a difference between active and memorial friendships.
- Making new friends as adults requires clarity about what we bring to the relationship and what common interests, values, or goals can sustain the connection. Rather than just hoping to ‘hang out’, successful adult friendships often form around shared activities or interests that give both parties a compelling reason to connect.
- Friendship difficulties often stem from misaligned expectations rather than personal rejection. When we understand where we realistically fit in someone’s friendship tiers (and they in ours), we can better navigate the relationship without taking things personally when communication patterns don’t match our ideal.
LINKS MENTIONED AND RECOMMENDED RESOURCES
- Anna Goldfarb | Friendship Explained newsletter on Substack
- Modern Friendship: How to Nurture Our Most Valued Connections
- How to Deal With a Friendship ‘Quiet Season’ (The New York Times)
- Ep. 106: Friendship Means Different Things To Different People
- Ep. 108: Expectations and Friendship (“A friend should…..”)
- Ep. 110: Jealousy, Envy & ‘Hate Following’ in Friendships
- Ep. 114: Have I Outgrown My Friendship?
- Ep. 116: Conflict In Friendships: It doesn’t have to spell the end
- Ep.120: When A Friend Distances Or Cuts Off (Friendship Series)
- Ep. 209: The Compatibility Factor
- Ep. 255: Sharing Core ‘Directional’ Values Matters for Compatibility
- Podcast Ep. 123: The 5 Stages of Relationships
- Not Following Through With Your Values Is Like Washing Your Front but Not Your Back
- When our friend dates our ex, is it OK, and can we be upset about it?
- We Have To Allow Our Friendships To Evolve
- How to cope when your friendship ends
- Ep. 167: Texting Anxiety – Why didn’t you text back?
- Less than speedy text replies from loved ones doesn’t mean we’re being ignored
- Be careful of basing your self-esteem on the speed and content of text replies
- A note on outgrowing friendships
- Breaking Up a Bad Friendship
- When You Experience Conflict In Your Friendships Because Of New Boundaries
- Ep. 284: Shifting Our Understanding of Attachment
- Major change doesn’t have to wreck your friendships (VOX)
- Adorable Little Detonators: Our friendship survived bad dates, illness, marriage, fights. Why can’t it survive your baby? (The Cut)
- The secret benefits to an age-gap friendship (The Independent UK)
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The post Modern Friendship: Understanding Why We Find It Challenging with Anna Goldfarb appeared first on Baggage Reclaim with Natalie Lue.
