“Cold” and “Calculating” Bride Refuses to Invite Friend to Wedding

It’s one of the most challenging aspects of wedding planning: Figuring out your guest list. Thinking about who to invite to your nuptials can be a tricky task. Do you need to extend an invite to your parents’ coworkers or your fiancé’s business partners? Do all of your cousins need to be asked to attend the celebration, or is it acceptable to mail cards to just the select few you see regularly? As you consider each of these groups of people, you may think about who has supported you and your love. And as a result, you may find yourself leaving some former close friends off of the guest list. One bride ended up in precisely this position when she decided not to invite her closest childhood friend to her upcoming nuptials—much to her friend’s disappointment. 

In a post on Reddit’s “Am I the A______” subreddit, the bride posted about the tension over her decision to strike her friend from the guest list. “Growing up, ‘Claire’ (fake name) and I were inseparable,” the user wrote. “We did everything together—sleepovers, family vacations, and we even called each other sisters. But as we got older, things shifted. She went to a different college, and we started hanging out less. When we did meet up, it felt forced, like we were clinging to the past rather than genuinely connecting in the present.” To the bride, it seemed like the friendship was no longer a significant one. And as she started crafting her guest list for her upcoming nuptials, she wrote that she didn’t feel the need to invite Claire. “She’s no longer someone I confide in, and we barely talk except for the occasional ‘happy birthday; text or random Instagram comments,” she wrote. “Meanwhile, the guest list is tight, and I want my wedding to be filled with people I truly feel close to.” 

However, even though the bride decided that their current level of friendship didn’t require an invite, Claire felt differently, texting the original poster that she felt hurt and confused after not being asked to attend the celebration. “She said that after all we’d been through, she thought she’d ‘automatically’ be invited,” the OP wrote. “I explained that we’d grown apart and that my wedding is small, but she responded by saying I was throwing away years of friendship. Now a few mutual friends are taking her side, saying I’m being cold and ‘calculating’ about the guest list.” While the Redditor wrote that she understands Claire’s hurt, she felt as though her wedding should be filled with people who are currently a large part of her life—rather than those who once were. 

Even though the user felt justified in her decision, the internet was a bit more divided. “I think that’s a very individualistic way of looking at life,” one person commented. “Childhood memories and friends have a special place in [our] hearts. Yes, time and distance comes in between the years. But these are the times of those beautiful reunions! A celebration of all that was, and how far you’ve come! You ruined all those memories by this one choice.” However, others defended the bride and her decision, saying that she should have complete say over who does and doesn’t come to her wedding—without feeling guilty about her choices. “This is your wedding,” a user wrote. “You can invite whoever you want. You can even elope if you desire to do so. You can have the smallest wedding. This is your day (spouse’s, obviously too).”